KLADE’S PATH, KLADE.FI -PRODUCTIONS AND KLADE’S STORY

Klade’s Path

An Adventure Toward the Future. Along the journey, I plan to produce short videos lasting a few minutes. In these brief videos, I will occasionally challenge my body with relatively demanding physical exercises. However, the main focus will be on movements that I intend to explore and test with an open mind. The deeper purpose of these movements is to enhance my quality of life through agile, upright, and flexible movement. On the mental side, I will reflect on the gap between rational action and personal action. In recent years, I've listened to many podcasts and audiobooks related to spiritual growth – the goal is to create content that may also interest other people exploring their own life paths.

Although this series of sequels is more or less intended to "productize" myself, at its core, it's about the final phase of life’s journey. It’s driven by the desire to learn, at least to some extent, how to schedule my activities and focus more of my energy on important matters. The desire to understand my own body; how to act in a way that makes the final stretch as painless, light, and energetic as possible. The desire to learn to be present when the people around me need it. The desire to find inner peace and love.


Klade.fi -productions (IronMedia Oy)

A love for storytelling. I intend to make documentaries on topics whose common thread is societal relevance and benefit to the viewer. I write, direct, film, and edit. Request a quote, I'm on your side.
Publishing platforms for Klade's Path content and documentaries:
klade.fi website, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn, Facebook, X (formerly Twitter), as well as TV and streaming channels.

Klade’s story

Why did I write this story?

I feel that opening up my background to the viewer is useful, because the main idea of ​​the KLADE’ PATH project is to make video content, where I challenge myself. Who is this guy? From where has he come and where is he now?

Contents

The story is divided into two parts. In the first part, I describe my childhood and youth. The focus is on my relationship with close people and myself. This part also includes the 1st point of the second part, which is training. The other subject areas of the second part are: 2. women, 3. children, 4. alcohol, 5. "studies", jobs and "investment"

Preface

Klade's story is just a scratch of my life so far. It was written in 2022, between June and November. I've done a lot of things in not so well kind of way, but of course there are also things that have been done in an ok kind of way. I describe events from my own point of view. When talking about, for example, interpersonal issues, the stories might have slightly different nuances, if the author were the other one, my partner or someone, who has followed my life from distance. I am an ordinary person, like a small grain of sand in this universe (we all are like that in reality, but there are a lot of people among us, who imagine that they are better than others :-). I have no ambition and no ability to achieve goals. Quite decent ideas have sometimes come to my mind, but that final compression and determination have been missing. Regardless, my adventures have included a lot of good choices and a lot of bad choices. So I have lived. Mental impacts have accumulated quite appropriately along the way - sometimes I've had to bind my wounds and repair my equipment after the battle. After the rain, the sun has usually shone and nature has shown its beauty. Except for small loose stones, the path I chose has been quite well-grounded. But hey, now is the time, have to be brave and look little higher above the path. It's time to trust myself and see the light around me brighter than before. I have to set reasonable, achievable goals for myself and do the work so that they actually come true. So, one step at a time towards inner peace and love.

 

Part 1

The main character Klaus "Klade" Nummela, born on May 4, 1961 in Helsinki.

I'm an only child. The first 5 years of my life I lived with my mother and father in Vallila, the next 5 in Kontula and from there we moved to Oulunkylä, where I lived over 10 years. My mother worked as a laboratory nurse at the Helsinki Surgical Hospital and my father was a performing artist (acrobatics, comedy, juggling, music, sculpture and painting). As a young man, he worked for a while in the fire department, went to a Cooking and Stuart School, studied at the Ateneum (Museum of Art in Helsinki) and did various carpentry jobs in a model sculpture workshop.

In the picture, mother and father in 1960 and me on the right in Vallila's home in 1963.

Father

As a little boy, I admired my father's skills a lot. He was multi-talented. When I was less than 6 years old, I saw it several times with my own eyes and later I got to hear things through his own stories. When he was younger, he was very good in gymnastics and athletics (javelin, long jump and short distances 100, 200 ja 400 m). Because he was a skilled gymnast, he got the idea to start doing performing arts for circuses and restaurants. The singing voice was also beautiful and the repertoire also included violin, guitar, harmonica and banjo. By just focusing on singing, he probably would have done very well. Well, the years rolled by and the acrobatic stunts began to feel in the body; especially the back and the neck area slowly started to get really bad.


 

When I was six years old, my father started drinking alcohol occasionally, and a few years later that drinking started to become a real problem. When I was 8-9 years old, my father lost both of his parents within a year. Especially the passing of his mother was a heartbreak. Problems with alcohol increased. Liquor was the master of the house and life at home was difficult, holidays were absolutely terrible. My father hung around with other drunkards all day long, and sometimes he brought a group to drink to our home as well. The days repeated themselves. At home he recounted the "interesting stories" told by other drunkards and then remembered the great moments of his life. After that the topics changed to my mother, whom he blamed for everything possible and scolded her in every way. My father used very loud voice for hours and the song "O Sole mio”, sung by himself and of course as loud as possible, was heard almost every time. My father also made phone calls to my mother in working hours, which of course led to many embarrassing moments for my mother at her workplace as well. And because my mother was so shamed for the loud voice used at our home, she moved in the yard almost like a zombie along the sides of the walls. My mother didn't really have peace anywhere. Since the situation at home was completely abnormal, my role was to be as neutral as possible, neither on one side nor against the other.

My father tried a few times to stop drinking and he even went to rehabilitation treatment for alcoholics. He also jumped into the vortex of working life a few times. My expectations were always very high, but when I noticed that his nervousness is increasing day by day, I realized pretty quickly that this wasn’t going to end well. My father was like a ticking time bomb that would explode at any moment.

When I was 15 years old, my father began to see delusions, he saw demons almost everywhere. My father always claimed that his drinking did not affect others in any way, it was only himself who suffered from the situation. However, since I was a little boy, I had built such an equation about my father's alcohol use, that "father drinks because I exist - he couldn’t fulfill his goals and dreams because of me". I carried that weight until I was 18. Then, suddenly, I realized, as if lightning had struck from the clear sky directly into my forehead; the fact that my father drinks is his own decision and has nothing to do with me. It was such a WOW-experience that my life gained a whole new kind of light and lightness.

As a small side note, after army (I was 20 at the time) I hung out almost every day at my girlfriend’s home and after a few years we already moved into a shared apartment.

My father's drinking continued until I was 29 years old. He was taken to hospital in very bad condition. The diagnosis was hepatic coma and seven days passed from his life without any perception of the world around him. When my father had regained consciousness, the attending physician gave a clear message; "If you keep drinking you will die".


Father, me and Mother in Tuusula in the spring of 1991.

Internal organs had been destroyed with booze for almost a quarter of a century. After the hospital, there was a two-year period when my father drank very small amounts of alcohol during each day (father said that his heart doesn't work well, if he doesn't get a little alcohol in the blood). During that period, his skin was completely yellow because his liver was not working properly. He became active as a sculptor and planned the life of an artist in that sector. Probably due to internal pains, he drank heavily for a week, ended up in the hospital again and that was it, his story came to an end (May 13, 1992). It was a tough place for me; I was angry and sad. It also sealed my decision that my own children would never suffer from me being drunk.

 

When my father’s head was clear he was a great person.

The days when he didn’t drink were the happiest of my childhood. My first six years were very normal, safe and full of love. I had many wonderful moments with him. I often played with my toys on the living room floor while my father opened his voice and practiced songs next to me. Sometimes I was with him when he practiced acrobatics and juggling in the gym.

In the movies we watched Buster Keaton and Jacques Tati many times. In summer time we went to Linnnanmäki at least once (amusement park in Helsinki) - my father got free tickets to the equipment because he had previously performed at Linnanmäki. Our favorite equipment was Vekkula.

I also remember some wonderful swimming trips to Mustikkamaa, and by the way, we were on the Swimming Stadium (the place where the Helsinki Olympic swimming competitions were held in 1952) on June 16, 1966. Oh, how do I remember such a thing, even though I was only 5 years old at the time? Well, the day was special because quite a cloud of smoke started rising into the sky. I still remember very vividly when the Messukeskus/Exhibition Centre (now Töölön Kisahalli/Töölö Sports Hall) was in open flames.

When King Alcohol had taken a firm grip on my father, clear days began to be very rare. My most beautiful memory of him from those times lives strongly inside me; it was a beautiful and warm summer evening, I was about 10 years old and we were with the whole family in Tuusula at my father's mother's house (my grandmother had died a couple of years earlier). My father sat calmly in the yard swing, enjoying the moment. He took out his guitar and started playing and singing beautiful old songs. My mother was sitting on the steps of the house and I had climbed up on the roof. I sat there on the edge watching, listening and enjoying. It was beautiful and lovely, tears of joy ran down my cheeks. I was happy.


Mother

My mom is a superwoman. She took care of everything related to our home. Well, did my father thank her for that? Not really, quite the opposite. We practically lived on her small income. My mother had a three-shift job, she cleaned the house, went to the store, did the laundry, cooked, collected mushrooms and berries, etc. My mother's motto was "I bear my cross". I don't understand how she managed?

Later, when I had my own children, my mother's help was often invaluable. These were situations where my relationship had already failed and the children were in my care. From time to time, for financial reasons, I had to accept, as a freelancer, cameraman gigs also at times when the children were with me. Fortunately, my mother had already retired after a long career at the age of 60, and she was happy to be with my children while I got my work done. No words are enough to praise my mother's selfless sacrifice for my and my children's well-being. She's the toughest mime I know.


 

Grandma and Grandpa

My mother's parents were important to me, especially grandma was an amazing person. They lived in Salo in a red detached house owned by the State Railway - My grandpa was a foreman at SR. When I was a 7-15 year old school student, I spent a week or two with them during the summer and winter holidays. There was always a warm and peaceful atmosphere, the interior smelled wonderful and life felt clear and normal. It was very cool to talk and go for a walk with grandma. Sometimes my mother's younger brother Seppo visited; he took me fishing or swimming or to the sports field, etc. Periods in Salo always bring me wonderful memories.


 

Me (also includes the first section of Part 2, 1. TRAINING)

The effects of alcoholism made the life of the child/teenager very extraordinary. I thought countless times that all the Alkos (shops where alcohol was sold) in Finland should be blown up, I hated booze. I also had suicidal thoughts sometimes, especially if my father didn't come home in the evening (I was afraid that something had happened to him). I never dreamed of any materialistic things - my only wish and dream was that my father would stop drinking. He was really important to me.

The starting points for school success and getting along in society were not exactly top class. Due to the conditions at home, homework was often left undone and at school I was nervous "that the teachers would ask me something". The tension at school gave me stomach problems for many years. When I was 11, I passed out a few times at home. That's why I was also nervous about school mornings; they were held once a week in the gymnasium and all students had to stand for the entire speech. I was also really shy and quiet. Everything related to performances at school was an absolute nightmare.

My friends played a really big role when I was young - the problems at home were erased for a while. I have been lucky because I have had friends throughout my life. Routes to other worlds were also offered by comics such as Batman, Tarzan, Asterix and Lucky Luke. Escape routes to another reality were also offered by such TV series as Batman, Star Trek, The Persuaders!, Secret Agent 86 and Onedin Line. I loved old musicals, adventure movies and the incredible tricks of the silent comedian Buster Keaton. The stories related to my father's sporting achievements created a spark for my own athletic life path. With the first earnings I got from summer jobs, I bought a radio tape recorder and after that, listening to music also became a part of my life. The most unforgettable and wonderful memory was when one night I struggled for a long time to find Radio Luxembourg - finally I found it and ... new song ... The Jacksons -Blame It On The Boogie-. Wow, what a feeling! That song took me to a wonderful place.


 

When we lived in Kontula (1966-71), I was so passionate about climbing trees that once in the physical education class I did 20 pull ups and my teacher was totally amazed (this happened in the second grade). I had an unofficial record between my friends for climbing from tree to tree; 103 trees so that one tree could only be used once. My best friends at Kontula were Pepe, Iska, Jatzi, Vesku and Puaro. In the second and third grades, we practiced athletics with a group of friends. We cycled about 4 km to Rajakylä's sports field and after training we went swimming to a nearby sand pit. My favorite sports were the javelin throw and the pole vault, which I jumped 2 m with a wooden pole I carved myself.

In the summer we also had a lot of Neppis competitions (a race track was made of sand and the car was made of plastic and resembles a 1950s racing car) and football matches between the houses. In the winter time we practiced almost every day downhill on mini skis, unless we were at school or at nights when we were sleeping.


After the death of my grandfather (my father's father), the three-room apartment in Oulunkylä remained empty and my father decided that we would move there. I rebelled for the first and last time in front of my father and mother - the result: we lived in Kontula for another three months, almost the whole summer. The time of moving was in August 1971. I had "a million" friends left in Kontula and I was mentally broken. However, things started to roll quite quickly when I started the fourth grade in Oulunkylä. I got to know some of my new classmates pretty well and of course near our home lived many kids, who where about my age.

 

At the age of 11, I started jogging regularly. At the same age, I also started gymnastics with my friend Tomppa. He lived in the same house as I and his father drove us to practice once a week. The gymnastics club was Swedish-speaking (HGK) and there was a good atmosphere; I really liked gymnastics and I also got to know a guy named Jan very well - we were soulmates from the very first meeting. Unfortunately, the hobby only lasted a couple of years. When I once was at Tomppa’s home, my father came to the place heavily drunk and started yelling really confusing things to Tomppa's parents and finally said that Lasu (Klade) would not continue gymnastics anymore. I was left with my mouth open wondering what happened.

In the same breath, I could tell a little story about pole vaulting. When we were still living at Kontula, pole vaulting hit me straight in the heart. I understood that after the upcoming move to Oulunkylä, pole vaulting may become a distant memory. I talked to father about the subject and asked that after we moved to Oulunkylä, could he then take me to the hobby I dig? Father to that: ”of course”.

 

Then it's time for a special mention.


Pönde was a very important person along my journey; he was my best friend, like a brother to me. We were hanging out together for about 18 years; friendship gave a lot of joy, mental strength and energy. At the age of 13, Pönde and I started actively doing weightlifting, other strength training and athletics in Pirkkola. In the same hoods, we also swam and played a lot of tennis. We also went to the movies whenever possible. Great times, thanks Pönde! In time, as it probably happens to most of us, we just begin to walk our own paths more and more and it seems like there is no more time for anything but family and jobs.


 

Five days before I turned 16 (April 30, 1977 at 8:47 p.m.), I got a one arm pull-up for the first time. It was a memorable moment for me. It was quite late and I was alone at the Oulunkylä sports field; I was looking at the bar of the performance venue and I psyched myself - grip the bar, put everything in the game and success - I started running along the sports field screaming with joy. The feeling was absolutely insane! Then home to tell dad. The uniqueness of the subject is strongly related to his own experience of a similar performance during the war (1940-45). One summer, my father's task was to deliver goods to an island by boat. He was 13 years old then and he rowed between the mainland and the island all summer. The strength had accumulated in his body to such an extent that after testing the normal pull-ups, he decided to try it with only one arm, and it worked.

 

Karate

At the age of 17 (1978) I started karate in Wadokan with my good friend Harry (we both had summer jobs at Elanto's Bread Factory and we also worked there on Saturday mornings throughout the year) - the hobby lasted a little over a year at that time. I got a really big wound on the sole of my foot during one of the exercises. It took a long time for the wound to heal, and that also ended the hobby.

(picture of Harry has a taken in 1982)

At the same time, when I became interested in karate, Pönde and I started going to Töölö Kisahalli (Töölö Sports Hall). We noticed that there are a lot of punching bags. Punching and kicking sacks was a great addition to karate skills. And it was a great and versatile exercise anyway. I was passionate about it for years. Kisahalli was like a second home to me. Sometimes the old boxer Elis Ask appeared behind the back: "Don't break that sack". He wandered the corridors of Kisahalli and guided eager youngsters to the secrets of boxing. A fine gymnastics venue was also built in Töölö's Kisahalli. Because I loved gymnastics when I was young (11-13), but it was taken away from me, I wanted to learn more of it without guidance. And yes, when you are patient and make mistakes after mistakes, you learn something a little older too.

Before the army, in the last year of high school, I started to worry about my hair, which I always used to complete my look. I noticed that the amount of hair on the top of my head started to thin. It began to erode self-esteem over time. The future image of a bald guy was not exactly a dream come true for a guy who was otherwise shy and quiet. Luckily I was funny and smart...HAH! Well, no, the only way, from my point of view, was to stay in good physical condition. More bad news: in 1982 I broke my back. I was working at Finnexpress Ltd and, according to my job description, I went aboard one of the sealed trucks to keep a record that the products in the cargo were according to the list. We got to the right place and started unloading the cargo. So I just had to record that everything is as it should be, but I decided to help a little and in the cool weather. I lifted the heaviest objects with the enthusiasm of youth and ... there was quite a bang from the back. The disc bulged between the fourth and fifth vertebrae. The strength based on the central body was never the same after that. Even though I tried to be sharp while training, I hurt my back every now and then when I got too excited.


 

In 1985, I encouraged my mind and started practicing karate again, despite the back problems. I continued karate at the Helsinki Karate Club until I was 28 years old. I probably would have continued with the great sport and people for longer, but my life situation changed and the training place moved further away. There are great memories of practising karate; I had the honor of getting to know wonderful people, e.g. Keppana, Jussi, Mika, Rafu, Make, Pera, Arska and Ekku. There were also many unforgettable camps along the way and the basis of everything was the absolutely magical feeling of being an important part of a big family.


Pictures from the Kisakallio camp, where, in addition to karate, we also got a "little" feeling how to ride a jet ski.

 

Sometimes I met childhood friends from Kontula in the most different situations. Some of them had set up a football team in the early 80s (Herrasmiespalloilijat or HerPa/The Gentleman Ballers). They asked me to come along several times; "Klade, come and play football in our team!". Of course, I was in good shape, as I had trained all kinds of things and went for a run every morning, but I didn't have any kind of eye for the game, and the ball didn't obey my touch - the guys just said; "It doesn't matter". During HerPa, I got to know also many new nice dudes. Playing and training were really nice social events, because there were great storytellers among the players. Especially Iska was the kind of storyteller that we just laughed and laughed (I called him Iska, because that was the name he was used when I was still living in Kontula - other players called him Immo). I remember a few exclamations that he shouted in his own personal style before the start of the match: ”Ema, that’s enough, come to the bench!” and "The opposing team can't take it anymore”.

I used a weightlifting belt to support my back while playing football and it worked very well. I hurted my back only a few times during all matches. My skills as a football player is an other story: I played football about 20 years without any development. If you compare it to anyone who has played football for the same amount of time, it might be that I was the worst football player in Europe or at least the worst in the world. But hey! However, one year I got HerPa's honorable mention of most enthusiastic player of the year, because I was running here and there in every match with the fury of a monkey ... only the touches on the ball were missing.

We also played futsal series for a few years and it must be said that that sport suited me much better - I was more at the heart of the game.

My playing ”career” started to fade away after Iska died of cancer (2004).

(Photo: as you can see from the photo, we are not on the football court. This trip is one beautiful memory among many beautiful memories. A memory of a great person whose journey ended far too soon. Here we are in 2001 on Iska's sailboat and the destination is Porvoo. Iska is the skipper and Juha looks after the stern.)

As you can notice from my story, exercise has played an important role in my life since childhood. Since the beginning of Oulunkylä's days (since 1971), the most important equipment in my home has been a pull-ups bar. When I've moved somewhere, the location of the pull-ups bar has been the first thing to figure out. The package of sports also included morning runs and strength training with body weight. Mind and body have been grateful.

A few more stories about pull-ups. Strength training also included additional weights until the age of twenty, e.g. bench press (chest press).

But when the overall look started to lean towards the look of closet and the bag hitting and other mobility started to seem more sticky, I decided to leave certain strength exercises with weights completely. It was much cooler to be "fast" and "strong" than slow and "strong". Those were the days when I got 5 pull-ups with my left arm and 2 with my right.

 

When I was 48 years old, I decided to challenge myself.

It had been at least 15 years since the last time I made one arm pull-up. I made a goal for myself: to do a one-arm pull-up when I turn 50. There was less than two years left. In my exercises, I started emphasizing methods where the focus is on both hands separately.

At times, you felt like losing faith, when you realized how much harder it is to achieve a movement that requires extreme effort when you are old vs. when you were young. The bulging of the intervertebral disc recurred. Achieving the goal was not directly helped by a completely unexpected back pain. A problem ensued that actually still plagues me today; the back symptoms started radiating to the right leg, which is more or less numb below the knee and the upper part of the thigh ache.

When running, there have been situations where the step almost fails, the right leg couldn’t properly support the weight on it. When sleeping or trying to, there have been situations where I have to search for a position almost endlessly, when the knee starts to ache excruciatingly. Well, that's life; one should stretch much more and make animal movements so that the flows of the body start to do their job more healthy.

Oh yeah, back to the one arm pull-up challenge.

In the end, the persistent work paid off and I did the one arm pull-up. Great trip. You just have to believe yourself! At the time, I decided to do the same in my 60s. Now at the age of 61 (2022), the work should be done already, but it is not. The adventure is still in the planning stage, because I would like to develop less demanding exercises to achieve my goals. If you want to achieve the same level of performance at the age of 60 as at the age of 50, you have to work much more, but more sensibly, so as not to break yourself - hmmm, strange, isn't it?
The last pull-ups story is related to the multipurpose hall in Helsinki, the Hartwall Arena and my jobs there as a cameraman in multi-camera productions. A huge number of TV productions have been made there; the ice hockey team Jokers' home games, Euro Hockey Tour tournaments, many concerts and galas, and a few NHL games. I claim, without supporting evidence, that I have done more pull-ups in that hall than anyone else. Since late 2017 I've done 10 x 10 pull-ups below the grandstand structures every time when working in the Arena. Since 2020, I've even started clocking those 100 pull-ups - in how short breaks can I do them all. I did my best performance in January 2022 (16 min). The next opportunity didn't come anymore, because the hall was closed. A Russian businessman had bought the hall some years before and since the Russians attacked Ukraine in February, the Finns stopped all activities in the hall.


Photo collage: I pushed myself a bit during the filming of the videos for the Terveyskanava.fi (Health channel) website in 2014-15. Terveyskanava.fi was fundamentally a good idea, but I felt exhausted by one important feature, that is, to sell my ideas to the right people and thereby move the plans forward.

 

Then, at the end, quite a bit of ecstasy.

In the summer of 2021, I bought a sup board and oh oh oh, the sea and Klade! When the wind starts blowing stronger and the height of the wave rises, it's all in the game and WOW! Lighter wind conditions invite you to enjoy the warm summer weather

or have a long adventure.


Because I've always loved the sea and sub boarding raised that feeling to the very top, a thought also popped into my head during one trip: how cool would it be when this lifelong adventure ends, that my ashes would then be sprinkled into the sea. That would start a new adventure in the seas of the world or ... recycling for glory and food for fish. One way or another, wherever you are in the world, you can go to the beach and maybe some wonderful memory pops into your mind … then move on with a smile on your face.

PART 2


2. WOMEN


I had a crush on nice-looking girls since the very first grades. Because of my shyness and silence, I didn't have enough courage to reveal such feelings.

From the age of 11 to the age of 15, I was totally obsessed with a girl named Heidi. She was a year younger than me and lived in Oulunkylä in the same house as me. Heidi was really pretty. If the face had to be characterized somehow, then a touch of Marilyn Monroe wouldn't go completely wrong. The best moments in my life were when I saw Heidi. Once she even played the accordion for me from the window of her home (she lived on the third floor). I was lying on the lawn and life felt wonderful. Another memorable moment was when I was hanging out at the playground in our yard and Heidi came over. Of course I didn't say anything and my heart was probably beating two hundred times a minute.

We were near the sandbox and balanced on its edges every now and then.

Then, quite unexpectedly, Heidi squatted down and drew a heart-shaped picture in the sand at the spot where there was a mark from the bottom of my shoe. That beautiful moment remained in my memory for the rest of my life.

I met Heidi as an adult by accident in a night in Helsinki and told her about the feelings of my youth. Heidi said that yes, back then in the 70s, she realized very well that I was totally crazy about her, but I was a difficult case to approach because I didn't say anything. (In my single years in the 90s, we even met a few times)



Raquel Welch, Rita Hayworth, Ava Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor, Marilyn Monroe …

Hollywood's wonderful actresses also filled my imagination since I was 11 years old. I must have found that same picture in a magazine when I was 12 years old (Raquel Welch is posing in the picture). The vision was drilled into my subconscious for years. An important part of the purpose of life became clear, thanks RW. I also browsed with great interest my father's old drawing book (an American author) and, more precisely, the section of the book that instructed how to draw a female body.


And then back to real life. When I was 16 years old, the normal situation suddenly turned upside down; one girl had a crush on me and came directly to ask "Could we meet?". That "relationship" didn't last long when she realized, that I can't get a word out of my mouth. The same thing happened with the next girl.


In May of 1979, when I turned 18, I finally got into restaurants. The way I had spent Friday, Saturday and sometimes Sunday evenings was history. On the weekends, the evening started with drinking a good amount of alcohol with friends and then we took the bus towards the nightlife. When we got inside the restaurant, I just disappeared; I started scanning young women and after a while I was on the dance floor kissing someone. My self-esteem was at a very healthy level, because I was in good physical condition and my face was ok. Shyness was also a thing of the past when there was alcohol in the blood.

Fleeting Moments, Part 1:

I had been with my friend Pönde at Tavastia Club and we missed the last bus to Oulunkylä, again. So walking from the center of Helsinki to Oulunkylä (10 km). Fortunately, the weather was warm. We got as far as Kaisaniemi (0,3 km from center), when at the bend, on top of a stone fence, two young women were sitting. One of them was absolutely stunning. The stunning started talking to me, she was nice and clearly interested in me. But what happened? Our conversation didn't have time to progress very far as I was already continuing to walk. I don't really understand myself in that situation. Why didn't I even ask for her phone number??? I thought about that woman during the entire walk and at the beginning I was often even turning back, but ... no. After that night, every time I went downtown, I scanned the crowds, but no sightings of her, no luck. Even today, when I pass by that Kaisaniemi stone fence, I feel a slight sadness.

We were again at Tavastia Club. This time to celebrate the change of 1979 to 1980. The restaurant was about to close when someone said that Kasarmitori's Disco would be open until five in the morning. Hey, towards the place. We went to the restaurant and after a while the DJ announced: "Now the kissing contest starts. If you want to participate, get on stage". Of course, I was the first one, who jump on stage and quite quickly a large bunch of couples joined me. The DJ was aware of the situation and announced; "Hey ladies, here is a guy without a partner!". Before the sentence could even finish properly, a dark beauty jumped onto the stage and the race started. The spirit of the game was such that you had to dance to the rhythm of the songs played by the DJ(the songs were mostly fast) and kiss your partner at the same time. My tactic was to support the woman's neck from the beginning, so she wouldn't get tired and ... after many, many songs and fallen couples, dadaa, two cruises to Helsinki-Stockholm-Helsinki as a reward.

 

Official first love


In February 1980, I met a wonderful beauty named Jaana. I was 18 at the time and she was 17. Jaana lived in Kerava City (40 km from Helsinki) and the meetings went so that I traveled to her place by train every Friday evening and came back to Helsinki on the last train. We used to see each other here in Helsinki, when we went to a movie. It was wonderful to be with Jaana and we got along really well. She was funny and everything, there was just something amazing about her. In that time of the world, The Kenny Everett Video Show came on TV on Fridays. That program always connects my memories to Jaana, because we often watched it in her room. We were together for four months (Note! I didn't go to restaurants on Fridays for four months and Saturday evenings were also a little more peaceful) and then she suddenly announced, that she couldn't be with me anymore. All the wonderful feelings and expectations evaporated like smoke into the air - the incomprehensibly beautiful non-stop burst of fireworks that lit up the sky turned into dark gray sleet.

I met Jaana quite by chance about four years after our dating ended. I spotted her in a real estate agency and walked right in. It was a nice and warm reunion. There was a lot to discuss and in the end Jaana said: "she has noticed that it won't get better by changing". That statement felt really good, it made our old dating relationship even more valuable.

In August 1980, when I was 19, me and my friends decided to go on a little cruise to Stockholm ... once again. We sat on Tähtitorninmäki (a hill near the Helsinki Olympic terminal), discussed all kinds of stupid things and laughed; the air was warm, the sun was caressing the skin and the birds were singing, the sounds of the city and the harbor could be faintly heard in the background, I had a bottle of sparkling apple wine in my hand and more in my bag. After the small formalities, board the ship and relax on deck with sparkling apple wine. Then, when the drinks were finished, we went on an adventure around the ship. We got more drinks and had fun. At some point in the evening, I met a beautiful young woman who had gone on a cruise with her friend. She was 16 and named … well, of course Jaana.

Jaana and her friend then hung out with us as we rushed here and there together and separately. Sometimes we were swimming in a pool somewhere. At some point it turned out that Jaana went to the same school as me. I reacted that ”Are you kidding me?”, but then I saw her at school. Okay, hmm! I was in a bit of a problematic situation because I was living in very interesting times: I was interested in beautiful women and I would have liked to meet more of them. I was wondering how to politely announce that we had a good time on board and that's it, all the best from now on. Well, to the point; the approach, the moment of truth and a legendary statement; "Would you go to the movies one day?". I couldn't believe what I was hearing, even though I said it myself. I silently thought in my mind, "What the hell did I just say???".

Those movie dates had such an impact on the future that we were together for 9 years. In addition to school, we had the common feature that both of our fathers were alcoholics. However, Jaana's mother had already divorced her alcoholic husband and was living in a new relationship. My and Jaana's story slowly progressed into love. A good example was my time in the army. I had originally thought that I wanted to become a parachute jaeger because ... there you would have been able to jump with a parachute. I thought that I would have passed the tests easily, because I was in really good physical condition and had graduated from high school. Well, I didn't even go there, because I realized that the army would last 11 months. I went the easy way and the army lasted 8 months. Our relationship had enough passion, humor, sensitivity and talk. Of course, there were things that annoyed the other; I always wondered about a certain kind of simplicity, a way of thinking where there is only one solution. My own view had always been that there are infinite ways of doing things. I must have annoyed Jaana in many ways.

Scents from the sea.
At the age of 24, I had a strong longing for adventure, I was disappointed in myself and my "achievements" and I wanted to go to America and see what the world had to offer. However, the scents of the sea slowly disappears, I took off my gear and lowered my sword.

In addition to a functional everyday life, we had a lot of good things with Jaana;

we spent a couple of memorable moments on month-long Interrail trips (1984 and -86) — we traveled by train all over Europe and sometimes we even stayed at the destination for a week (San Remo, Fuengirola and Lagos). We also made a few really nice trips to south, to Playa del Ingles and Chania. The trips to Jaana's cousins ​​were also wonderful experiences. When we bought an owner-occupied apartment (a large two-room apartment in Mellunmäki, neighbourhood in East Helsinki, owned by a bank), Jaana wanted a dog. Reason? I went to work early in the morning, after work I went home and then I either went to karate class or to Töölö Kisahalli to practice, so in working days I was at home only for a short time. We got a dog, Minni (the nicest and smartest dog in the world, my soul sister) and after some time we got him a friend. Time passed and I told Jaana that I would like a child. Jaana said that yes, it's ok, if we get married. I had never thought about marriage, it wasn't really my thing, but we got married and the wedding was unforgettable. At that point, we had been together for a good 7.5 years.

Our son was born less than a year later, in March 1989, and since it was my first child, it was a particularly unique situation; I was completely crazy with happiness, everything was infinitely beautiful. The whole universe shone brighter than ever.

Of course, everything changed when two became three, or if you count the dogs, then five. Focus was fixed on a new wonderful life.

Side note:
At some point in our relationship, long before our son was born, I had been to Helsinki's nightlife a few times with my friends. I had met 3 wonderful women on those trips. It was just talking and dancing. Even though it was a very short encounter, each of those women has a place in my memories. I brought it up because sometimes in life you may meet people who have a wonderful influence. That feeling stays forever in the heart, and it doesn't hurt anyone.

 

The beginning of the end:

The guys were planning a trip to Ibiza and of course I wanted to go along. I sold the subject to Jaana in such a way that I would later buy her a trip to the south when she herself wants to go. The situation was quite difficult, but the trip came true. When we got off the plane at Ibiza airport, it was late at night and still a really warm breeze was felt all over the body; "YES, sun and beaches!". The next day, "vamos a la playa" and to the waves of the Mediterranean. I had always looked with great interest at a beautiful female body when I had one in my sight. Some like cars, some like jewelry, some like art, etc. Well, a beautifully curved female body is like nature's work of art to me, and nature is important to me. So I was scanning the scenery on the beach and I could hear someone talking in Finnish. I noticed a couple of women on swimming mattresses and swam to the destination. "Do you often come here?". The women turned to see what kind of freak was yelling from there? There were two women in front of me, but I could only see one. It was the beginning of a holiday romance; I fell in love with Taina, who was a couple of years younger than me. I spent the rest of the vacation mostly with her. Then, when it was time to say goodbye, anxiety struck; Was this here? How to continue normal everyday life in Finland. I still wanted to see Taina. I contacted her and we agreed to meet. We met a few times over the next few months. Taina understood my situation and said: "it would probably be best to end this here". She didn't want to hurt my family, but I, being a headstrong and emotional person, wanted more. I thought I'd only be here once. I ended up with a tough solution; I left Jaana, I destroyed my family.

What happens next? How will Jaana survive? The guilt felt in every cell of me. The hardest moment of my life was leaving our home; Jaana sat on the sofa and cried and our 8-month-old son was next to her and watched me leave. It was hard for me to breathe, my heart was beating violently, I was anxious, my legs and head were not cooperating properly, I felt like the floor was swaying under me, the voice inside me was shouting "what are you doing?". I stepped out the door; I was so confused and anxious that I don't remember anything about the rest of the day.

Our family's livelihood had been more my responsibility. Jaana had studied a few times during the time we were together, and she hadn't kept in much contact with her old friends. She hired a lawyer, whose fees I of course paid. At the lawyer's, I was very quiet because I was the cause of this suffering - no objections. Jaana had made a list: the apartment and almost all of our joint property would be left to her, plus a trip to the south somewhere in the future. After collecting myself a little, I thought that the material didn't matter and I was the bad guy, anyway. In order to secure her livelihood, she wanted an alimony payment that was too high compared to my income. But the worst thing was yet to come - my right to be a father to my child; as I remember, the text was written on the paper "sole custody for mother and visitation rights for me - a couple of hours every other Friday at Jaana's place". WHAT? I HAD LEFT JAANA, NOT MY SON. I wanted a child in the first place. I didn't want to start arguing about anything then, and I wrote my name on the paper. I thought that Jaana would probably realize pretty quickly that it's good for father and son to be together more often. She didn't realize. She was bitter and revengeful. Jaana said: "That Taina should never see our son".

 

We started to live everyday life with Taina in her small rental unit in Laajasalo (neighbourhood in East Helsinki).

There were many elements in Taina's life philosophy and attitude that I appreciated. A wonderful person, I loved her. The life together was very functional, but the coin also had the famous other side, which sometimes made Taina think that everything is not necessarily all right. My presence was not always the best possible, because I was constantly missing my son and I was worried about how Jaana would manage with her everyday challenges. Maybe it was a change of environment or something, but somehow life felt lighter when we were visiting Taina's parents and siblings in the Oulu region or when we were on vacation. In those moments I was fully present.

Time passed. After we had lived together for half a year, Taina announced the news; "I am pregnant". The warm and sweet winds blowing from far away from the desert caressed our relationship. Taina was flourishing and looked even more beautiful. The journey to parenthood had begun again.

At the same time elsewhere. I called Jaana maybe once a week. The topics were; could I see more of our son and what about her, how her own life is going? The calls didn't really advance anything and the lack of constructability was the leading theme, at least from my point of view. It was also a fact that I wasn't a master of verbal communication, and I didn't really know how to put causes and consequences into words. One call, however, had a different tone. Jaana said: "If you make another child with me, I promise that you will be able to spend much more time with our son". Me: “You can't be serious? You're a young and beautiful woman, you'll meet the right one." Jaana: "Yes, but the children must have the same father". Because I was the guy who had caused Jaana's sufferings and I was just a loser anyway, because I wasn't ready to fight for my rights as a father, I said; "ok, I'll think about it”.

 

Taina and I started planning things a little further into the future, what kind of purchases should be made and what wonderful things the birth of that little person would mean. Our apartment was small, but those square meters felt like the most wonderful place in the world. In less than nine months, there would be three of us, wonderful.

What about the other side of the coin? Despite all the beauty, I had a mental battle with myself. I thought about Jaana's suggestion. Could it work? Could I really be together with my son more??? And what kind of situations would that lead to?

 

The beginning of the end.

What happens when you build yourself a fairy tale world and close your eyes from reality? I was somewhere on a tropical island, it was nice and warm. The sun was shining from a cloudless sky and the palm trees were swaying in the slight breeze. I looked at the turquoise sea and listened to the magical sound of the waves. But, what now? The sky began to darken, the wind began to blow stronger, thunder rumbled furiously, and lightning struck here and there with tremendous force. Finally, freezing drizzle and huge hailstones began to rain down on me with terrible force.

After an internal struggle, I accepted Jaana's proposal. I somehow managed to believe in myself that it would work. The clock ticked and the dates changed on the calendar. I heard the news: Jaana was pregnant. Was my solution correct or not? Well, despite the simple question, the answer is not simple. It's clear that Jaana got what she wanted and the tone of her voice changed "slightly" to dramatic direction: "from now on you will suffer, I'll make your life a living hell”.

Living with Taina was wonderful. Traveling together and doing all kinds of things together were great experiences. However, the fear of losing Taina brought long shadows on paradise. I had acted in a way that would be really hard to accept.

The situation with Jaana caused me a lot of stress and problems with concentration. This led to layoffs in November 1990. Dream jobs in the TV and video industry ended and at the same time, the first signs of recession began to appear. Bottle mail washed up on the beach, which raised suspicions in Taina.

Taina and I had a son in January 1991. I experienced the miracle of birth again. The whole world shrunk for a moment to the size of three people, all that remained was love. And as a bonus, the city of Helsinki offered us a new rental triangle in Pikku-Huopalahti later that year.

In April 1991, Jaana had another son. I went to see my son in the hospital with very mixed feelings: I felt both fatherly pride and fear for my relationship.

Little birds sing and jungle drums beat. When Taina found out that Jaana had another child, speculations about the child's father began. For a long time I denied everything until I met the guy on my other shoulder eye to eye. He said, “Be a man! If you really love and respect Taina, do the right thing and tell the truth". And then from words to actions.

Taina was completely disappointed and the word trust lost its meaning. As time passed, she tried her best to accept the situation, but the trust that was once lost never returned to what it was before. There was room for something new in the heart. And almost five years after our first meeting, Taina met a new man. I had already managed to destroy two families.

You learn from your mistakes:

Before moving from one relationship to the next, it would be good if all the issues of the previous relationship were carefully handled and preferably with time. You could understand on some level why things happened the way they did and at the same time develop yourself and build yourself mentally stronger.

A few words of thanks for this point:

I would like to specially thank the wonderful people who were part of the path I shared with Taina and who strongly supported me even after that. Special thanks to Taina's mother Aira and Mikko, Taina's brother, and let's not forget Taina's father Ilkka and sister Hanna. You are always in my heart.

It was the end of summer 1994 and I started looking for an apartment rented by the city of Helsinki. I worked in the TV and video industry on a one-person basis (VideoHelps) and there wasn't much work, so I was poor. Taina was very flexible and understanding and I was able to live in our shared home until an apartment became available for me. Living together went well and life started to feel good. It also happened, that Jaana’s sons visited us from time to time. A new, old world also opened up to me; I continued my adventures from the point where they had ended at the age of 19; As a 33-year-old single, I started exploring Helsinki's nightlife again and it was cool. The other guy on that other shoulder said: "Hey dude, don't screw this thing up, don't commit to anything, just enjoy the freedom". And of course...in the fall of 1994, I met a confusingly beautiful and in every way wonderful woman named Kirsi. She would have had all the qualities to be the right one, but from my point of view, we were living in a completely wrong time - I had ended a couple of months earlier a relationship that had lasted for 5 years, which I jumped into directly from a relationship that lasted for 9 years, so the commitment didn't really fit the spirit of the times.

All kinds of stuff.

In December 1994, I had to move to my mother's place in Roihuvuori (neighbourhood in East Helsinki) for a couple of days, because Taina's boyfriend came to her for the weekend. I took some gear with me and jumped into the Honda Civic. It had been snowing all Friday. While driving the straight section of road in Viikki, the car went into the lane of oncoming traffic as if it had been swept by a giant, and from there the journey continued straight to the bottom of the ditch. I was lucky, there were no cars in the oncoming lane. The car broke down badly and after the situation I collected myself from the emotional shocks. It was a shame because Honda had served me well. After a little adventure, I got to Roihuvuori, told my mother what had happened and took the bus towards the center. Helsinki's nightlife didn't really work for me that night. As a quiet boy, I walked towards the departure platform of the night bus. After paying for the trip, I thought I'd head to the back of the bus. My senses came alive when I saw the two passengers. They were sitting right behind the middle of the bus, so I tactically stayed in front of them, leaning against the window. I heard another say; "Look, what a good ass that guy has". It was a sign from above, or actually from the side. Bad luck at the beginning of the evening decided to change direction at the end of the evening. Lucky is an unpredictable guy. I didn't jump off the bus in Roihuvuori, my journey continued to Mellunmäki (neighbourhood in East Helsinki). I ended up in the student apartment of two beauties with great bodies. To begin with, a little bite from the fridge, light conversation and kissing. And then... I got to watch a pillow fight between two half-naked women. Yes, … I liked it.

 

In January 1995, I got a small two-room rental apartment from the city of Helsinki in Puotinharju, neighbourhood in East Helsinki. Despite my light bank account, my life was absolutely wonderful. My children were with me every other weekend and the rest of the time I spent with women, exercising and slowly increasing cameraman jobs. Hotel Hesperia Night Club, Hotel Vaakuna's Tenth Floor, Fennia Night Club, Happy Days Restaurant and Baker's Restaurant became familiar every other weekend, when I made tight moves on dance floors with the deep thought "hey ladies, I'm here and I can move my body”. The time when I was single was very much a series of encounters: in one seven-day period, I had seven encounters with seven different women. A woman calls; "Hi, could I come over one night this week?" Me: "Hi! A very great idea, but it won't really work out this week, because I have a lot of work and everything, but ... it would be great if you could come next week - is Tuesday okay with you?". Life tasted sweet, I was lucky.

In adventure, the journey is what it's all about, but sometimes you can arrive at a place where you want to stay longer.
Of course I didn't swing around like a robot, sometimes I fell in love and it felt great. It was wonderful to see each other from time to time and enjoy each other's company without the pressures of everyday life together. I adored women; I wanted to give and receive wonderful feelings - in-depth conversations were also valuable food for the soul in these relationships. Of course, that period of Puotinharju also includes cases that, from my point of view, could have gone all the way to the end, but the other one disagreed. It could also be that some opposite affection might have happened in those days, but I haven't warmed up to a glowing level. I was totally crazy about the lovely Niina, but her feelings weren't quite enough for a longer adventure (Niina is on the left in the picture below - unfortunately the picture is very bad of that very Rita Hayworth look-alike woman). I have wonderful memories of many other wonderful beauties I met during that period (1995-97); e.g. Tarja and Maarit, who are also in the picture below, as well as Tanja, Susanna, Katariina, Päde, Piude and Taru. One wonderful Anne is a case in my memory where all the wonderful signs were there, but I realized them too late.


 

As I already mentioned above, everything doesn't always work out, like in the movies.

I met a woman named Tuula several times. She was nice and had a lovely body. Tuula became pregnant in the summer of 1995. When we discussed the topic, I was completely lost, I couldn't find the right words, and I didn't even know how to comfort her. I just sunk into my own little world and the thoughts "I'm not ready for this when everything has been so cool" kept going through my head. Tuula wanted to have an abortion, which of course was a good idea for me too. I was with her when the pregnancy was terminated and I tried to support her in some way. It has never been discussed later how she experienced that period in her life overall; does she regret it or is it ok?

A few words about Tuula; I was amazed at her phenomenal know-how of business (at that time I was completely confused about everything related to earning ... and I still don't understand it). It seems that some people just have the magical ability to dive in and make a deal. As an afterthought, I could say that having someone like Tuula involved when IronMedia Oy was founded (more on that later), would have taken our business to a completely different level.

In July of 1996, I met Tiia, 11 years younger than me, and it was love.

A beauty who was also pure beauty on the inside. Being with Tiia felt like living in Paradise. But then I managed to get the snake there with my words. Tiia was offended by a topic I didn't even want to discuss. The relationship lasted 4 months and I took the ending very hard. I tried to fix the situation, but I didn't succeed.

Some months passed as I gathered my gear in the dark. Then, suddenly, the dark clouds dissipated and in the moonlight I saw beauty everywhere again. On a practical level, the following phenomenon happened: I had been filming a sports event with a reporter, and on the way back I was driving a car in my thoughts, until I suddenly woke up to reality and saw a woman walking really beautifully on the sidewalk. A warm touch ran through me. That beautiful woman was clearly an angel come down to earth for me. It was a wonderfully confusing moment. I was alive again. So it was time to go on new adventures, to Helsinki's nightlife. I straightened my body, gathered my gear and set off. Many new encounters and there were also new crushes among them.

Fleeting moments, part 2:

In June of 1997, I was at the Olympic stadium in Helsinki filming the national football team's practice in the middle of the day. The stands were completely empty, except for ... an elderly group passed by me. Among them was a young woman who was amazingly beautiful in face and body… well, huh! Our eyes met for the first time when the group passed by me and luckily the stars were on my side, because they sat very close to my filming location. The woman and I made eye contact, even when I was filming the events on the field, so it was a little difficult for me to concentrate on my work. That smile on that woman, I was in heaven! The event ended on the field and I started collecting filming equipment. The group set off. As they passed me, the woman kept looking at me. I was in a hurry to get my things together and go after them. They went to the lobby below the tower and stayed there to chat - as I walked in the lobby, we looked at each other again - I walked towards the front door and went out - I walked to the car and put the things behind the car - the woman came out alone - I jumped on the wheel of the car and started off - we looked at each other, when I drove past her. I woke up to reality, it was hard to breathe, I was completely confused. I kept the "light" conversation to myself; "What the hell, why didn't you say anything to the woman, she came out after you, JERK - hi, what’s your name, phone number, let's call - what would have been so difficult???" After all, this only happens once in a lifetime, and then I screw it up.

 

It was the end of the summer of 1997, when a beauty named Pia, 9 years younger than me, managed to seduce me at Baker's Restaurant. At first we saw each other occasionally and then there was a phase of consideration.

Fleeting Moments, Part 3:

One evening in December, I was going to Pia's place. My emotions were a little heavy and in those moods I came to the statue of the Three Blacksmiths. I woke up to reality when a beauty walked towards me. Our eyes met - we smiled - we walked past each other - we both turned to look at each other - we stopped. Then I turned and continued on my way. Not a word was said.

(And back to the story about Pia) After much consideration, at the same time dropping other crushes, we started dating in the early spring of 1998. The relationship progressed and Pia also got to know my boys and liked them and the boys liked Pia. In the beginning, everything was wonderful, I was in love and we had a lot of great moments both with the two of us and with the boys as well. Then Pia moved in with me and I thought that she did make a big sacrifice. I appreciated her courage and especially the fact that she also got along well with my sons. So, to make her happy, I asked her to be my wife (as already stated earlier, marriage was not really my thing). We got married and the party was a great success.

Along the way, the winds sometimes started to blow a little stronger. I was a bit confused, and I couldn't understand the situation from anyone's point of view.

Pia got pregnant and it was time to look for a bigger apartment. A three-room apartment became available in the eastern part of Helsinki, Itis. Pia had lived most of her life in near the center of Helsinki, Kamppi, so the center had been a short walk away. Itis was not a dream come true, as a residential area, and it became clear to me as well. In addition to the residential area, it began to feel that many other things were wrong. It felt like the world that had surrounded us at the beginning turned 180 degrees. We had a daughter in November 2000. And since I already had 3 sons, the birth of a daughter was something new and wonderful and absolutely wonderful. Again I cried with joy and happiness and floated in the warm embrace of the universe. After the birth of the daughter, life smiled for a while; our boat floated forward in a smooth current, the sun was shining and it was warm. After a while, however, we returned to windier waters, and yes, the boat rocked at times. As the child of an alcoholic, it was extremely difficult for me to understand the senseless shouting and commotion that had been created without even a drop of alcohol. I didn't really understand why there was a fight because things were ok in the big picture, at least from my point of view? This almost always led to the fact that I didn't know how to say or do anything that would make it easier for anyone - if there is nothing constructive to say, then as I understand it, being silent, i.e. keeping one's head shut, is a perfectly good option. Sometimes I even went out for a walk and looked for answers from the surrounding nature. I couldn't find them, but things might have been a little calmer when I got back. I was told once that my silence is mental violence. Many people are able to produce a non-stop speech about any topic 24/7, but my strength has always been mostly fluent listening, even if I don't understand the content.

My sons were with us every other weekend, just like before. If I compared our life together with the boys to the time before the relationship, I felt that I had let them down completely - I sold them a trip around the world, but we ended up on a small rocky island in the Arctic Ocean ... in November. I actually remember one example situation all too well; I always liked to read a bedtime story to the boys when they went to bed, and this time when I was doing it, Pia came into the room and said loudly "the boys are so old that the readings will stop now". It could be that the day had already progressed in a bad way, but still... I went into zombie mode and looked at my boys with a "sorry you have to suffer like this" look. And that was the end of the evening stories. My oldest son stated one weekend that "It would probably be better if they only came once a month". It hurt me inside, but I understood very well that the stressful atmosphere did not feel comfortable. At the beginning of our relationship, Pia thought I was a really good father to my sons, and now we had reached such a stage that I didn't understand anything about raising children. This also became clear on all the days when the boys were not with us.

 

The apartment house where we lived started to be renovated and the first target was naturally the elevator. It didn't exactly make life easier in Itis, especially when Pia was pregnant again. That meant looking for an apartment near the center of Helsinki. After some time, the green light came from Ruoholahti. As a stupid person, I thought that life would be easier, if we lived near the place where Pia had spent most of her life. I also imagined that with the second child the situation would probably calm down. Well, it didn't get any easier and it didn't calm down. Our son was born in June 2002 and yes, the birth of a child is the most wonderful experience in life, at least for me as a father. We were in a calm phase of life for a while; it was warm and we sailed in a light breeze and sometimes anchored the boat in an incredibly beautiful lagoon. And after that wonderful tropical experience, we headed towards the stormy sea. But why? Well I do not know. I would have liked to offer peace and love, but no one ordered them. I just didn't realize it then, I didn't understand Pia and I'm sorry for everything. The union of two people who are wrong for each other does not work, not then and not ever. In June 2003, we had drifted into such a situation that filing for divorce seemed like the only right solution. It was followed by a half-year reflection period, during which we decided to try anyway. Then, in March 2004, Pia couldn't take it anymore and decided to formalize the divorce. It was the only right solution, but in my case the situation was more complicated. I did understand the fact that I had never possessed the qualities that would have made our relationship work. So there was no point in condemning oneself indefinitely. And a person should, in principle and in practice, be accepted as she/he is. Well, one way or another, I started sailing in dark waters because I was overcome with a strong feeling that I had failed at absolutely everything in my life. I also felt that I had aged at least fifteen years in six years. Some kind of mental fall off the cliff followed, and recovery from that took time. The fact was also that I had to move, and again I couldn't live a normal everyday life with my children. Fortunately, Pia was very understanding and reasonable in that matter, meaning that the children were the first priority and the responsibility for caring for the children was largely divided fifty/fifty. Pia took responsibility for the children's well-being and she is a great person anyway. We just didn't get along. I have been amazed several times by the moods of old photos with Pia, Pia and me or Pia and the children. In all the pictures, I see a beautiful, wonderfully smiling young woman. The pictures tell the story that there were also many sunny moments in our relationship.


I want to thank a few people who had understanding and foresight when our story was over; thanks to Pia's mother, Lea, and younger brother, Pekka. A solid handshake also for her older brother, Pepe.

 

I was lucky. I applied for an apartment from the city of Helsinki, once again. This time I even made a wish for the residential area I wanted to move to. I found Herttoniemenranta very cozy and location was functional; the sea, public transport and many services nearby.

Surprisingly, I was offered an apartment quite quickly, and it wasn't just any dump: 3 high rooms, top floor, balcony, sauna and parquet floors. Awesome, I was sure the kids would enjoy themselves too.

I was single again; this time 43 years old and had to start picking myself up to get back on my feet. It wasn't quite simple, because the feeling of failure in life felt so strong. When it comes to female relationships, I was completely lost for about half a year. I even tried to develop my understanding by reading books written by women about women and relationships (a very good idea, but in real life each of us is different). The best therapy was the moments together with my children - I realized that my existence has a purpose. The social situations of multi-camera productions and hard training also balanced the mood.

A conversation with yourself.

The fact that I had failed in all my relationships led to a strong feeling that it's not worth even dreaming about a relationship anymore, that it's simply not for me. Maybe in the future the only right solution for me could be a couple of light simultaneous relationships or even more, hmm. Maybe it could work if a shared home is not a dream come true?

After achieving balance with myself and the world, the Universe began to shine a bright light on my path. Since the opportunities and interest to go on an adventure into the Helsinki night were at a very low level, I thought of trying the wonderful world of social media. And as I have stated before, because a beautiful female body interested me a bit (a woman who took care of her own well-being, preferably close to my own age group), I thought of placing a picture of myself in my profile, which gives some idea of ​​my body as well. Although there were some very strange messages, the experience was all very positive. Life went on and the sun shone.

Mysteriously warm winds blew from the direction of Oulu in July 2006.

Volleyball World League matches were played in City of Oulu (600 km from Helsinki) one weekend. An international TV broadcast was produced from that 3-day event and I was part of it as one of the cameramen. After all Saturday's games had been played, I went to explore Oulu's nightlife in the evening. I wandered around the city and wondered where I should go? I ended up outside a night club. I bravely went inside, ordered a glass of water from the bar counter and moved close to the dance floor to scan the scenery. A moment passed and I felt a tap on my shoulder - I turned and saw a beautiful woman with a smile on her face. He asked in the Oulu dialect: "Will you dance with me?". Well yes! - I had met Anja. Wow, what a woman! After returning to Helsinki, I informed the bookers offering work that I would be available if there were any ENG-camera works or multi camera productions in the Oulu region. Of course, trains and planes went there at other times too. An unparalleled long-distance relationship began that lasted more than a year and a half. I thought about Anja 24/7. We met each other as often as possible; mostly in Oulu, sometimes in Helsinki and once even in Tampere. We also went snowboarding and spa in Ruka once. It was true love. Of course, it was natural that a long-distance relationship could raise questions as it progressed. As time passed, Anja wanted to know where we were going? What does she want, what do I want? Anja was 10 years younger than me and had a small daughter. Anja's dream was a family and possibly more children. A beautiful dream. Me to Oulu? Although one of my sons lived near Oulu, my other children lived in Helsinki, and the life I was used to and most of my work was also there. Anja to Helsinki? I didn't even suggest that Anja move with her child to Helsinki, because her life, friends and parents lived in Oulu.

Because I loved Anja with every cell of my being, I knew I had to let her go. At first, the breakup felt bad, but pretty quickly I understood that I had experienced something quite unique and that relationship was a series of beautiful memories. So life continued without any major pains, a wonderful phase of life richer.

Right after the breakup, it was a bit challenging to continue meeting new women, because I had already met the right one. Anyway, the near future contained many delightful moments.

As 2008 turned into 2009, I was at Freda 51 restaurant to welcome the new year.


It was already 2009 when I met the beautiful Marika. The restaurant wasn't open for long, but we had time to dance, chat and share each other's phone numbers. Then, in time, a call and a date. At first I was very suspicious of the 18-year age difference, but at some point I stopped thinking about it, because it didn't bother Marika at all. We enjoyed each other's company, fell in love. Marika had a daughter who was more than a year older than my own daughter. Including my youngest son, the children got along just fine. Time passed. It was the end of the summer of 2009 and the situation "slightly" changed. Marika called: "I'm pregnant". My oldest children occasionally teased me that how many more children could I have? I usually replied boringly that "the existing 5 are enough, there is no intention of having more children". With those thoughts in the background, I then tried to think about the future. I had to start pulling myself together to get back to the core of becoming a father. I also had to face my child and my mother in a deep conversation together. My mother's reaction was memorable; when I told about Marika's pregnancy, she was so shocked that she almost fell off her chair. My oldest son saved the situation by stating that "it's okay that it doesn't really affect anything for them anymore" (my oldest children were 20, 18 and 18 at the time). The youngest (8 and 7) were also very understanding. I had to soften my mother up a bit to calm her down. "Yes, everything will go just fine" - even though I wasn't completely sure about it myself. Despite everything, the growth into fatherhood began, once again. Marika and I both lived in rented apartments in the city of Helsinki, but in different parts of the city. Keeping the living arrangement the same was my wish because I had to have a place where I could do office work and the children had to have a place to see their father and each other. I bought a car at that time and it made life much easier, because I also visited Marika almost every day.

We got a daughter in April 2010. Wonderful, another girl. Once again, I got to witness the miracle of birth. And once again, I had the honor of being there to support, secure, and witness the development of new life. What about living arrangements? Marika had some great ideas related to housing: we managed to exchange Marika's three-room apartment in Herttoniemenranta for a four-room apartment, and on my part, I got my own apartment in my two sons' names. The boys got themselves a pretty stylish first place of their own. Truly ingenious.

 

We lived for a while in Herttoniemenranta, and then we moved to a slightly too small three-room rental house in Laajasalo. We lived there for about 4 years, and the next move was Marika's dream, which was to buy our own home - a four-room semi-detached house in Laajasalo. I was 55 years old when we took a loan of over 300,000 euros, so we have enough of that to last a lifetime. But hey, you can train on the terrace throughout the year with the right clothing, and the surroundings are absolutely lovely. Laajasalo is an island, so there is sea all around, and there's quite a bit of nature as well.

Living together with Marika has had its ups and downs over the years. There are things that bother both of us like a red flag at times, and then there are good rhythms that help us create harmony. Life's little bumps can be metaphorically likened to a situation where you're walking along the city streets lost in your thoughts. You arrive at a random street corner where you unexpectedly encounter a Cuban heavyweight boxer's right hook. Perhaps the day hasn't gone exactly as planned, and you shake your head slightly and think to yourself, "Okay, that's how it is today." These are, of course, moments that test one's maturity. Sometimes it goes okay, but most of the time, that stubborn side takes control. So, there is room for improvement in such situations.

 

OPINIONS ON RELATIONSHIPS AND WOMEN:

What makes a good relationship? Love, trust, respect, attention, passion, humor, listening, commitment, presence, support, emotional intelligence, sacrifices, having enough personal time, and being on the same page about the important things. Did I forget something? ... Probably.

Can there be a perfect relationship when there's no perfect person? It would be good to accept your partner as they are and not try to change them according to your own desires. It doesn't work today, tomorrow, or ever. In a relationship, love is an action word; both parties have to work for the relationship. Both parties need to roll up their sleeves for the greater good, ideally with a balanced effort.

What if? If things just aren't working out, or it feels like both partners have different goals or their hearts aren't beating in sync, the greatest expression of love is being able to let go. What then, when there are children in the family and a separation occurs? If we're talking about typical reasons for divorce and understanding individuals, it's more than important that adult individuals can behave and not wallow in their own bitterness and desire for revenge. Children should clearly come first, and together, they should be protected, supported, and loved in this confusing new situation. After all, children are not divorcing their parents. Both parents must have the opportunity to take responsibility for raising the children, and children have the right to both parents' support. If you ask a child, the parents' divorce is certainly not even an option, even if they argue all the time. Perhaps, as the smoke clears, sensible parents can take control of the situation and each, in their own way, create a calmer, more present, and safer growth environment for the child. Note: You should never talk bad about your ex, especially in front of your children. Metaphorically, that's sawing your own branch off.

Theory on jealousy (Note: Personal):

If both are committed to working on the relationship, then why feel jealousy? She/he is by your side and you by her/his side. If the other no longer believes in the shared journey, why feel jealousy? You cannot own a person. The shared story has come to an end, and life continues. Stay sober, focus on your own well-being, improve yourself, climb your own mountain whenever possible, and make yourself whole. Be the best version of yourself when you are with your children (if you have any).

Thank you! Huge thanks to Jaana, Taina, Pia, and Marika, as well as my own mother! You have put yourselves on the line and ensured the well-being of the children. In my eyes, you are true superheroes!

Divine is a woman! Same pay for the same work - long live the sisters! When you look at a pregnant woman and consider the journey she goes through both physically and mentally, there should be no doubt about the unique importance of women in life - men have it much easier. Yet human history is filled with stories written by men that have contributed to the poor status of women around the world. If women were the majority in leading and decision-making positions around our beloved planet, the world would be a better place for all of us. I understand that a woman can be cruel too, but history and modern times show that there are many men in leading positions who do not focus on the common good, but cause great trouble.

 

3. CHILDREN

Sometimes in my youth I dreamed that it would be great to be the father of two children when I grow up. And the dream came true ... with a small bonus.

 

In March 1989, my first child, Zoni, was born.

I got clearer guidelines and a new sense of purpose in life. The first eight months went wonderfully, following the development of that little person. Then a big life change: moving in with another woman - strict conditions were imposed on me to see my child and … I should have taken better care of my side to see my child more often. Sorry Zoni!

In January 1991, Viltzu was born from cohabitation with Taina.

I was able to follow his development in our shared home for four years, until it was time for me to move. I'm sorry for breaking up the family, Viltzu. After our separation, Taina said I could be with Viltzu whenever it suited me.

In April 1991, Jasu was born.

Jaana wished a second child in "same mother, same father" principle. Unfortunately, the relationship between me and Jasu was very distant in the beginning, because I had jumped on a rather unusual train with no clear destination. The lack of shared experiences during that time cannot be replaced by anything else. I'm sorry, Jasu!

When I eventually opened up to Taina about what I had done, Jaana also understood that it was no longer worth playing any games. That's when a normal long-distance father role began, with leisurely visits with Zoni and Jasu. Viltzu also got to know his siblings. The first time the boys met, it felt a bit strange to Viltzu, as he had to share my attention. However, the boys quickly accepted each other, and their journey together began. After I moved to Puotinharju in January 1995, we started having regular every-other-weekend visits, and during holidays, the boys stayed with me for longer periods. Occasionally, there were some triangular dramas, but most of the time things went well, and the boys enjoyed coming to their father's place, especially when they could be together.

Getting the boys together on Fridays was quite an adventure because I didn't have a car at the time. Usually, I picked up Zoni and Jasu (they lived initially in Mellumäki and then moved to Kontula) - we took a bus to Kontula metro station - took the metro to the city center - from there, we took a tram to Pikku-Huopalahti - picked up Viltzu - took the tram from Pikku-Huopalahti to the city center - and finally, took the metro to Itis - did some grocery shopping at Itis - and walked to Puotinharju.

Swimming became one of our things since Itis swimming hall was quite close. We swam and paddled there very often as it was only about 60 meters away as the crow flies. The swimming hall was built into a rock located behind the apartment building where I lived. The years in Puotinharju were incredibly wonderful. Remembering them always brings a smile to my face.

 

Pia moved in with me in late 1998, and initially, everything went well. In 2000, my relationship with Pia started feeling like a light betrayal even to the boys. There was no talk of anything like this when the names were put on paper. And things got only more complicated.

(left) Jasu, Zoni and Viltzu in Porkkalanniemi 1998. (right) Jasu, Viltzu and Zoni in Suomenlinna 2001.

 

In November 2000, Nea was born, and in June 2002, Niklas was born.

Our relationship didn't work, and of course it also affected the children's well-being. Personally, I have to admit that I don't remember those days very well, except for a few glimpses. I remember going to my mother's place with the children sometimes, so that we could have peace and quiet. The general mood from 2000 to spring 2004 is completely gray. I don't even remember their birthdays during that time - did we even have any? I'm sorry, Nea, I'm sorry Niklas, and I'm sorry to everyone!

In 2002, Taina told me she had met a new man while on vacation in the Oulu region. The result was that she moved back to her childhood surroundings, taking Viltzu with her, of course. Viltzu moving far up north felt really bad to me, as if a piece of my own body had been ripped away. Life was already very tough, and this added to it. A new chapter in our common path began, when Viltzu flew from Oulu to Helsinki and back once a month. The most important thing was, of course, that Viltzu adapted well up north. He had his grandparents and his uncle as support and safety, and the environment was already familiar.

 

Once a month Zoni, Viltzu and Jasu came to Herttoniemenranta, and of course Nea and Niklaskin were there.

The boys reacted very individually to that confusing six-year period (1998-2004) when I was with Pia. Compared to the period before that when things were calm and they had my full attention, it was natural for them to reminisce about the "good old days". The less enjoyable experiences of the last few years brought out negative energy, which was often directed at Nea and Niklas. I tried repeatedly to tell them that there is no reason for them to be mean to innocent little children. The culprit was not Pia, and especially not Nea or Niklas, but I alone was responsible for what happened, so the complaints should be addressed to me. I could have chosen differently or stayed single, but I chose a relationship with two incompatible people. I took a risk and failed; I am sorry. The disappointment that lasted for years did not subside immediately, so the discussions continued for a long time. The real influencer emerged at the latest at the confirmation party: Nea and Niklas were welcome to Viltzu's party, but not to Zoni's and Jasu's party.

Over time, the situation calmed down.

Zoni, Viltzu and Jasu visited me regularly for quite a long time. I really appreciated it and it felt amazing to me. I understand, of course, that a significant factor in this was the strong bond between the three of them and the company they had with each other. Sometimes they went into town to see what was going on in Helsinki's nightlife. At some point I got a text or a call saying "Can you pick us up?" I grabbed my things, headed to the Batcave and drove downtown. I gathered the group together from the center and then we almost invariably headed to the Herttoniemi McDonald's drive in. Wonderful times.


Boys' usual things in Herttoniemenranta.

 

In April 2010, Marika and I had a daughter together, Jade.

Nea and Niklas welcomed the newcomer enthusiastically. And that also started the special and warm relationship between the trio. Marika's older daughter Gila (born 7/1999) has also been on good terms with Jade from the very beginning. For the older boys, Jade was a bit distant at first. Of course, the situation changed when Jade grew bigger.

From my point of view, the new and wonderful thing has been that for the first time I have been able to live under the same roof with my child 24/7. In practice, it has also meant that Jade has received more attention from me than my other children. I have also lived together with Gila for a long time (she moved from home in 2020). Over the years, I had a few big disagreements with Gila, but the things that really mattered in our relationship were long spirited conversations. Gila is a sensitive, artistically talented young woman.

Jade has been closely involved in all kinds of adventures and games since she was little. In addition to Jade, the lineup included myself, Nea, Niklas, and sometimes Gila also went along. Countless amounts of humorous, wonderful and funny adventures have been experienced together.


 

In 2016, when Marika and I bought half of a semi-detached house in Laajasalo and had debt for the rest of life (mine), I started accepting more and more filming gigs also on weekends. In practice, it meant that work called more often also on Saturdays and/or Sundays, and Nea and Niklas did not come to Laajasalo then. Jade was very saddened by this and of course it was very saddening for everyone. Then little by little, on the threshold of adulthood, Nea and Niklas started to have more of their own going out on the weekends. That's how it goes, at some point the wings start to fly and new adventures begin.

 

I am a privileged and lucky person. I understand that the stars have shone particularly brightly in my life. I have had the opportunity to witness the development and growth of these amazing personalities. I have thrown some of my own views into the air during everyone's journey. If a view was okay, it could be tested right away or saved for later use. If, on the other hand, a view was less than okay, then that's that.


I look up to each and every one of you, and I don't mean this in terms of height. I have learned more from you than I have been able to share. I wish you all love-filled and interesting life paths. May the stars shine brightly for each of you! And hey, remember that together you are stronger. I love you all!

The children in the picture are aged 10-14 (photos from three different decades).

 

4. ALCOHOL

In my childhood and teenage years, I hated alcohol, and for good reason. At the age of 17 (1978), the topic started to interest me a little and I tasted alcohol a few times.

The first time was on a class trip, when I sipped a few beers. I tested the effect of alcohol and tried to stand with my hands on some rock, and it didn't quite work out. I fell many times and laughed; "this can't be true".

Then on the second occasion we pedaled bicycles with my classmate Taisto from Helsinki to Karkkila to some camping area. We had heard that a few familiar friends had gone there. The journey was a good 60 kilometers and we set off on bikes late in the evening without any snacks or luggage - our bikes were not in the best condition. When pedaling at night, it sometimes got so cold that we had to put the bikes aside and run short sprints to stay warm. Although sometimes the trip and the stupid stories that were developed as the journey progressed made me laugh, once in a while a question crossed my mind; was this a good idea? Well, we got there the next morning and found familiar faces. Naturally, they didn't have a tent, but they had gone to the place in a van, and all kinds of adjustments and overnight stays were planned to be delivered near or inside the van. In the evening, the guys offered a few drinks and after a while I unexpectedly had a girl in my arms. Then at night, about 10 people were lying in the van in the most amazing positions.

And towards new adventures. The third tasting didn't quite go well. Some class had organized a disco in the school's small hall. Before going to the disco, I took a small drink of encouragement, i.e. I drank the whole bottle of wine with the result that after a while the alcohol hit my blood very carefully and I was completely dizzy. The teacher supervising the party asked me to leave the place - I ended the evening by throwing up in the schoolyard. The supervising teacher was, of course, my English teacher, who had hated me for years. Ahead were meeting my mother at home and then, in time, a conversation with the principal.

 

After that school disco, about 8 months went by, and I turned 18 (in May 1979).

That was the start of weekend adventures in Helsinki's nightlife. In the early evening, we were usually at Pönte's place with a few friends, having some pre-drinks. In addition to myself and Pönde, the normal line-up included Krafa and Mikkonen. We played cards and listened to music (mostly AC/DC). The stories were really high-flying and there was plenty of laughter. Pönde in particular was a real virtuoso in developing the most unusual funny stories, such as the story about the bear and the squirrel. Life was cool, no worries. Then we jumped on the bus and headed towards the Center. The last pre-drinks down the throat and then queuing to get in, mostly to the Tavastia Club. Everyone in turn had to be really sharp, so that the porter wouldn't notice what amounts of alcohol had been drunk beforehand. Most of the time it was just insanely fun; dancing, telling silly stories and meeting lovely young women - life smiled. But sometimes it happened that I drank too much and a nice evening became boring. Too drunk, the fun disappeared and you just sat there somewhere with glassy eyes. What about those trips back home? Well, I had to walk to Oulunkylä quite a few times when I didn't make it to the last bus or I was too drunk, and the bus driver wouldn't let me get on the bus. Once I woke up on the bus to an insane noise; it was raining really hard and I tried to scan where the bus was going - the bus just kept going and I looked at the darkness and nothing looked familiar. For a while I looked at completely foreign regions and then I decided to leave. I bounced out into the pouring rain without any smell where I am. I had a great idea: to stand by the side of the street if a taxi drove by. Well, it finally came, then on the way and not a penny in my pocket. When we got to my house in Oulunkylä, I took the watch off my wrist and left it to the taxi driver and then I collected myself for a moment to be very sharp. I woke my mother; "Can you give me 20 marks, the taxi is waiting outside?". I was very strict with my mother, I really didn't want her to find out that the boy drank too much alcohol when the father was an alcoholic. Sometimes I had to play a fit young man, even if it didn't feel like it. I used to go jogging in the mornings. Sometimes it happened that the night before I had drunk too much and in the morning I had a terrible hangover; I went for a run seemingly excited, but ended up throwing up in the forest.

I was once thrown out of the Tavastia Club after I tried to convince the porters about the proper behavior of another guy, to not throw him out (I heard this story later because I didn't remember it myself). Well, apparently I had acted too enthusiastically, because when I woke up the next morning, I was staring at the walls of a jail cell. And as a bonus, I had a two-week ban from Tavastia Club.

 

In 1980, me, Pönde, Krafa and Mikkonen went to Hanko to celebrate Midsummer.

Mikkonen had a car and he drove. I drank the whole way, and I don't remember anything about getting there. I woke up under some tree, it was raining. I looked around, I was inside some campsite. First I thought about where we were going - I saw the sign, oh yes, Hanko - the next thought was; what kind of tent do we have with us? I started looking for the tent and found Mikkonen's car. My friends were in a good mood, so I dug out one bottle from my luggage and added alcohol to the blood. The next thing I woke up in the evening on a sandy beach with a woman in my arms. A little scanning of the environment, up and looking for friends again. I found my friends spending the evening next to Mikkonen's car, hmm ... that's strange. I was a laughing stock because I had a neck full of hickeys. The guys just said that women are no longer interested in me because my neck looks so eaten. I drunk more alcohol again and the next thing I was kissing with some woman. Then again the memories are very blurry and in the morning I woke up in the tent with my clothes completely wet. I had slept in a depression in the middle of the tent, where a pond had formed after the rains of the night. All the rest of the gang slept in places that had remained dry. Thanks guys :-)


From the left: Pönde and Krafa are sophisticatedly drinking alcohol - me having just woken up - me, Mikkonen and Pönde discussing ... probably the weather.

 

Then a light time shift and time with Jaana.

Alcohol consumption decreased with dating. The situations where I drank were more social style. So not getting drunk as quickly and cheaply as possible, but sophisticated enjoyment with a quality product. Well, yes, even in that period there are some days that you can't be very proud of. I can't really explain a chain of events other than with jealousy. We went with Jaana and Pönde to a guy named Silli, who lived on the fourth floor in the same apartment complex as Pönde. Silli's other friends were also there. I had become enthusiastic about drinking alcohol for one reason or another, so I was quite drunk. I suddenly had a very stupid idea and extempore went out of the small window to balance on the narrow windowsill. I continued there for several meters, going all the way to the neighbors. They started screaming like fire sirens and threatened to call the police. The shouting bothered me a bit, so I went back to Silli's apartment and went back inside through the small window. Now Jaana shouted: "What the hell were you doing? You could have fallen and died!”.

In the photo, I have gotten up from a little swimming trip, which could easily have been the last - it was midsummer 1984. At that point I had already drunk almost two bottles of vodka - my vision was completely blurry - then more alcohol and the next day I was lying on the floor of the cottage with the worst hangover of my life, even the slightest movement and I felt, that the head explodes - absolutely incredible stupidity.


Then forward in time, to the time with Taina.

We sometimes went to restaurants with Taina and her friends. Quite often I felt jealousy rearing its head even in a slightly drunken state, and there was nothing wrong with that, the problem was purely mine. But once in a restaurant in Oulu I kicked a guy in the butt (Taina's cousin) and after some time I kicked a chair that happened to be in the wrong place. I was quite drunk at the time, but I remember those situations quite clearly. It was more of a stupid attention-seeking, not a crazy rage. The matter was settled with Taina's cousin and I apologized to him for my stupid act. I flew out of the restaurant as I deserved and humbly went to look for a bus stop to get to the place we had started from (Taina's friend's home). I found a stop, the bus came and I got there, but of course there was no one there because the whole party was at the restaurant I had flown out of. It was a bit cold because it was freezing outside. I happened to have the car key in my pocket, so I opened the door and started the car. It didn't take very long to sit and warm up when I got a "brilliant" idea; since I had ruined everyone's evening, would it work as some kind of apology gesture if I picked up Taina and the friends from the center of Oulu? I rubbed the snow on my face, grabbed the wheel and started driving towards the center of Oulu, only to find that I couldn't find anyone anywhere and then I drove back. After turning the car off, I started shaking, what I had just done hit me like a huge wave right over me. I thanked all the forces in the universe that I hadn't run over anyone.

It was a place to stop. I had come to some kind of turning point in my life and I realized that this cannot continue. I wasn't much of an alcoholic, but drinking alcohol produced problems. I hated that feeling of jealousy and the day after drinking that was completely wasted because of the hangover. Like I'm missing a day of my life. And not many months passed from that moment, when my father died of diseases caused by alcohol abuse on May 13, 1992. I was angry and sad, because if my father had made other choices, he would have been a lot of joy and companionship for my own children (socializing, storytelling, comedy, singing, playing, drawing, etc.). I decided at that moment that my children would never suffer from my drinking. And anyway, when there was "a reason to drink", I no longer drank to get drunk. The next stage was not even a drop, and it was followed by "maybe a glass of wine a couple of times a year, if I feel like it, but I can do quite well without it."

 

TWO OPINIONS ABOUT ALCOHOL:

If a person knows how to drink alcohol in a sophisticated way, it is a nice part of socializing culture and dining. Fun, light or deep conversations and good behavior. Part of life!
If a person is addicted to alcohol or drugs, he/she is unable to properly take responsibility even for himself/herself, and especially not for his/her children. A person addicted to drugs is a selfish piece of shit; biggest concern is where to get more booze or drugs. In terms of children's well-being, the only option is to stop the selfish behavior and take responsibility for the closest ones; to give love, support and security.

 


5. "STUDIES", JOBS AND "INVESTING"

I started doing summer jobs from the age of 16. My first job was washing cars at Konela Ltd in July 1977. The pay was based on the number of cars washed, which was a bit frustrating since I didn't know how to drive. I always had to ask someone to drive the next car to the washing spot.

 

From June 1978 to April 1981, I spent some of my time at Elanto's Bread Factory (Elannon Leipätehdas). I earned a bit of pocket money alongside my studies; I worked there during the summer holidays (June and July) and on Saturday mornings in the shipping department during other times of the year. It was nice to work at Elanto's Bread Factory since there were many young people like me. I also made a good friend there, Harry. "Despite everything, once again" was our motto.

 

My schooling ended in the late spring of 1981, when I graduated from high school - my grades were so bad that the diploma had no real value.

My grades were never outstanding because I wasn't interested in doing homework. The fact that my father was an alcoholic did have some impact on this. My mother, however, emphasized that it would be wise to do well in school to make it easier to study for a desirable profession.
I've tried to tell my own children the same thing: that doing well in school might create more interesting opportunities in the future.
Then back to my story: I was more interested in girls and women (at first from a distance and after several years a little closer), hanging out with friends, training, movies, and comics. If home life had been normal, with both parents setting a good example and encouraging me to do my homework, maybe... I don't know... or maybe I just wasn't mature enough to focus on my studies.
When I have read my kids their homework or test area before they go to bed or otherwise help them with their schoolwork, it has opened my eyes; I have realized that I would have had good opportunities for different study paths back then if I had done my homework carefully.

Between the last tests in high school (in February and March) and my departure for the army in June, I was doing renovation work at Hartsitekno Ltd. My first job was a street-level office that needed to be renovated. My job description was to remove all unnecessary things; brick partitions, cabinets, etc. The construction supervisor said: "Let's start with those walls. Sledge-hammer can be found in that corner among other tools". I was in absolute heaven, it was unbelievably cool to break down walls and I even got paid for it. A dream job.


 

Then I had to go into the army for eight months. At the end of June, there were also entrance exams for the architecture education program in Espoo's Otaniemi. I asked for a few days off so that I could attend the exams. I was very interested in studying architecture, but I understood that I had no real chance of getting into that school. The main thing in this case was that I got a few days off from the army.

 

In February 1982, eight months passed and the military service was completed. My friend Krafa mentioned that there might be vacancies at his workplace, Finnexpress Ltd. I went to ask about the situation, got a job and started at a new workplace right away in March. However, I didn't really enjoy it there and I also hurt my back very badly - the mistake was purely my own, but still - I quit at the beginning of August.

In September, I participated in a 120-hour
electrical drawing course. It is still a great mystery why I went there.

 

In October, I started working in element installations at the construction company Polar Ltd. While doing element installations in the more or less interesting autumn and winter weather, I started to think that maybe at some point I should study something that interests me.


After thinking about different study options, I started to feel that the School of Business might interest me. I bought five books from which the entrance exam questions would come. I quickly realized that I wouldn't have enough time to read the books thoroughly while working eight hour days, training, and doing other activities. So I quit construction in February 1983 and went to work as a cleaner at ServiSystems Ltd in April. The work consisted of four-hour shifts on weekday evenings, leaving plenty of time for reading books. Then came June, and it was exam time. I scored very well, but not good enough. What a disappointment!

I quit my job at ServiSystems Ltd and in July I went to asphalt works in Kestomerkintä Mattila Ltd.


The company specialized in crosswalk and lane markings. First the asphalt was milled, then the dusty mess was cleaned up and finally hot white mass was poured into the milled grooves. The income was purely based on what was accomplished. And since there are clearly four seasons in Finland, the work stopped in November due to the weather.

Then I tried the quiet person's dream job: sales. Hovipojat Ltd specialized in construction work and sold kitchen furniture as a side business. A few days after finishing the asphalt work, I started a career as a kitchen furniture salesman. The office was located on Pitäjänmäki, in the basement of an apartment building, on a side street about 200 meters from the main road, and it had a space of about 8 square meters. My job included being on call there for four hours every weekday afternoon. I familiarized myself with all the materials related to the products on sale and practiced drawing different kitchen layouts at the request of my employer. The basic salary was very modest, meaning that the salary was based on "the more you sell, the more you earn". The small problem was that I didn't have a car to drive around and spread the good news about kitchen furniture. So I wandered around on foot telling people about the products. When my four-month probation period ended in March 1984, my sales career ended; not a single customer had visited the office in all that time, and my sales trips resulted in one sold kitchen cabinet. I didn't get the "Salesman of the Year" title.

 

Then back to physical work.

In April, I started working at Perusyhtymä Ltd. My first job there was a starting construction project for row houses in Oulunkylä. I have great memories of building those row houses. First of all, my best friend Pönde also got a job there and the other employees were also nice, the workplace had a really good spirit. The work was also well paid, as it was mainly contract work. In addition to Pönde, there were other jokers, and not a day went by without a hearty laugh.

July 1984 was a really cool and memorable month (picture below). A colleague (I don't remember his name), Pönde and I spent the whole month preparing confirmations while the others were on vacation. Groundwork began in August.

After the houses were completed in Oulunkylä, I moved to the next destination, Vuosaari, where the construction of row houses also began. Some of the employees of the previous location moved there, but unfortunately not Pönde.
Once I got excited to show my coworkers how to cut a board with a punch. I had done it before, but this time I chose a wet board which I then nailed to the scaffolding. The crowd watched in silence and tension as I prepared to punch with my fist. Then a strong punch ... cursing. A few mistakes: 1. a wet board and 2. a slightly wrong bunch. The two outer knuckles of my right hand moved back about two inches, and the pain was excruciating. I told the shocked audience that the punch didn't go exactly as planned. I went to the construction supervisor and said that I stumbled while carrying things and fell on a rock. The look on his face showed that he wasn't really buying my story, but wasn't making a big deal out of it. He drove me to the doctor at Itäkeskus. The doctor looked at my hand for a moment and asked me to sit on the floor. He sat on the chair, grabbed the fingers of my right hand, put one of his legs on the right side of my chest and pulled. I almost passed out, but a warm feeling of relief quickly followed. Then came the judgment: no training of any kind for three weeks. It took over half a year before I could hit a punching bag again. So was it worth it for me to punch a wet board?

 

Around that time, I saw an advertisement in Helsingin Sanomat, which advertised a new and wonderful profession of the future. I took the opportunity and started studying to become a video producer at the Video Institute. The place of study was in Laajasalo. The course lasted one year and was based on distance learning. I visited the place of study four times during the year. The course was very expensive and definitely not worth the money. Most of the learning material was not related to the topic. I didn't learn much about the industry during the year, not about production, filming or anything else. But hey, I officially became a video producer, yeah!

Back to work.

The next project with Perusyhtymä Ltd was an apartment building, also in Vuosaari.
In the meantime, I started looking for jobs in the video and TV industry, even though I didn't really know anything about the industry. At first there were no hits.

Next, I completed a basic degree in advertising at
the Marketing Institute via distance learning.


Back to work:

there were a lot of workers at the apartment building site, all new and unknown to me, and the atmosphere was not great. I didn't enjoy it. Also, January 1987 was very cold, almost -30 degrees for most of the month and sometimes even colder. I started looking for jobs in the video and TV industry again. About three weeks into my scouting round, I got a call: was I still interested? Yeah! My next step was to resign from my current job. March 27, 1987 was my last day of work at Perusyhtymä Ltd.

At the beginning of April 1987, I started working at AWV Audiovisuaaliset Ohjelmat Ltd.

AWV was founded a few years earlier as a subsidiary of construction company Tehosaneeraus Ltd. There, they specialized in producing videos about the different phases of construction work and the correct use of building materials. The reason why I was chosen to work there was based on my more than three years of work experience in the construction industry. Sometimes I worked in the construction industry and sometimes I assisted in different stages of video production. Video production interested me much more and I wanted to learn more. I was in seventh heaven when I watched from the side how my colleague Iiro filmed with a video camera and cut the material on the editing table. He was also a very social person. During work, Iiro was happy to give tips, and I tried to learn new and wonderful things as best I could. Gradually, I got more responsibility for shooting and editing. One of my tasks was to produce and collect content for Rautia's Hyvät Neuvot advertising and information channel. Once a month I edit an hour-long video for 40 Rautia stores around Finland. The content consisted of construction-related videos, Rautia's announcements, joint offers and individual hardware store offers. My duties included selling these store-specific advertisements to every hardware store. I often visited these stores to show that we care about their needs. Side note: selling has never been my thing. Fortunately, I had other tasks, because we also made a lot of videos outside the construction industry.
And now the announcement: At this point I would like to thank Pekka, Antero, Iiro, Risto and Krisse for the encouraging and positive work atmosphere. Big thanks!
Over the years, I got more responsibility and my salary increased. Unfortunately, personal problems affected the results of my work. I broke up with Jaana and moved in with Taina. First I was emotionally broken because I didn't see my son enough, and then my stress level skyrocketed when both women were pregnant at the same time. The pressures in my head were so strong that my work performance suffered, and I was deservedly fired in September 1990.

I became unemployed and around the same time the recession started to affect everything.

 

In hindsight, I should have immediately looked for study opportunities in the video and TV industry. But it never occurred to me; instead, I started a one-man company called Video Helps. I made an agreement with AWV to use their facilities for a fee. In the beginning, I wasted a lot of time on trivial things instead of trying to make new contacts. The money ran out. A few months later I had to start working from home. I started offering myself as a cameraman to companies in the industry and also called different companies in the hope that I could produce corporate videos. It was pretty quiet at first. In January 1991, I walked down the stairs into the fascinating world of HTV and met Tintti. A great guy with a fantastic sense of humor. Through Tintti, I got my foot in the door of the freelance camera world. However, filming gigs were quite random at first.

A small memory from that time of self-searching was a two-week boat building course organized by the Työtehoseura (I participated in it in October 1991).


Back to the AWV

In 1992, I managed to organize a six-month internship with the support of the Employment Agency. I worked at AWV from May to November and got to know a new Estonian colleague, Harri, a real veteran of the film industry. He had worked behind the camera in many film productions and had a lot of experience with the contents of documentaries, films and the commercial side. Lighting, angles and composition were his strengths and he was happy to share his knowledge. Harri also recommended getting to know the nuances of photography. That six month period in my life significantly increased my confidence in my abilities. Thank you, Harri!


I even got to appear as a car salesman in a TV commercial. Here's a screenshot of one of the commercial's scenes.

 

Video Helps continues:

I had some success selling corporate videos and was able to script, shoot and edit. I rented technical equipment from AWV for video shooting, lighting, sound recording and editing, and I bought recordings of speaks from companies that offer them. I really enjoy managing the whole process and working with clients.

My most memorable production from those days was filming a scene where the "main characters" were the sirens of emergency vehicles. I directed five people, three of whom were real police officers with their vehicles. Even though I was behind the camera the whole time, my director's timing was just right and we created a great scene. A massive feeling of success spread throughout the team. More of these, please!

The secretary of a corporate client asked if I could give a few hours of lectures on video production. She was involved in Lohja's Kanneljärvi Institute, and there were a number of students for whom this subject would suit well. At first I thought that the situation would be too nerve-wracking for me, that I wouldn't be able to speak a word in front of a large audience, but the secretary believed that I would do well. I was afraid, but I decided to accept the challenge.
To the unknown.
I started thinking about topics from my own point of view, which things were important to me in video production and how to create a story from them. I chose three topics, built a story from them and wrote the main points on paper. Lecture day, the moment of truth. The stressful dreams of the previous night predicted a difficult task, and the drive to Lohja did not bring relief. Standing in front of the class was the ultimate torture. My breathing was heavy and every cell in my body wanted to do a 180 degree turn towards the door I had just entered. For a while the lecture progressed in a fog, but gradually I started to feel better, my breathing calmed down and I felt more comfortable. Part of the change was due to the genuine interest of the audience and most of it was purely because I had prepared well. The situation became natural and the dialogue with the students was fruitful. The students loved the show – my first and last lecture. Great experience!

 

In the late summer of 1994, Tintti had a question: "Are you interested in photographing sports?" Of course I was interested. I started doing news-type inserts with reporters about different sports, mostly team sports, but we also did a lot of short stories about individual athletes.

 

In 1995, I was ahead of my time - I had a great idea that I called Metro-Media.


Over the years, while waiting for the subway, I had looked at the billboards that were on the other side of the platform. I started thinking, wouldn't it be cool if instead of a static image you could watch a video? It could show announcements from the Helsinki Transport Agency, maybe funny animations, if possible, and most importantly, you could sell advertising time. Since it was not yet the era of LED lights, I had thought of projecting the video onto a blank piece of cardboard using a video projector. I made nice sketches of my idea and contacted the Helsinki Transport Agency. I managed to arrange a meeting with the person responsible for these matters. I was really excited about the great idea, "this can't fail". Then came the meeting where I presented my idea. It went well, but the end result was not the best for me. Three things: 1. the places where there were billboards were tendered every five years, 2. the video could disturb the subway driver and passengers on the platform, 3. using sound is dangerous in the platform area, so definitely no sound. History and today have shown that with the development of technology, it would have been good to sit at the meeting table even once a year. First there was a giant screen on the upper level of the busiest subway station, Helsinki Railway Station, then many small screens were placed on both sides of the escalators, then small screens came inside the subway and finally large screens opposite the platform area.

From 1995 to 2002, my work situation improved significantly. Requests for shooting inserts for various TV programs came from more and more sources, so the knowledge of my skills started to spread. A small problem was that I had no ambition to further develop my skills and thereby sell my expertise to a wider audience.

Regardless, I have a lot of great memories! I filmed a lot of inserts for various current affairs programs; for example, for Police TV, I even got to film a special episode in Frankfurt, Prague and Rovaniemi. Thanks to the editors of "Police TV", especially Marko!
I was also the main cameraman for the youth program. The production team itself was quite young and we filmed in schools all over Finland - great atmosphere, fun work!
I also had the pleasure and honor to be involved as a cameraman for the inserts of the "Nature Close" program for several years. Really wonderful, feel-good gigs! Thanks, Paul!

I have also had nice challenges and a lot of beautiful memories in the world of oriental dance! For several years I was hired to do video contents of oriental dance performances and classes. I also filmed educational videos in the studio. In summers, Seitsemän Hunnun Tanssi ry organized a week-long eventin Jyväskylä and in autumns Masrah organized great performances in Helsinki's Savoy Theatre, which featured dancers and musicians from abroad as well. Through these jobs, I met many wonderful people both in Helsinki and Jyväskylä. Big thanks to Päivi, who opened the door to that world for me!

A few mistakes along the way.

I filmed inserts for a health program. The reporter had been waiting for a very rare surgery for a long time, and now was the time. We went to the hospital, met the surgeon who instructed me on what to consider when filming in the operating room. I put on a protective suit and other protective equipment, took the video camera and tripod and entered the room. I took a quick look around the operating room and asked the surgeon, "Is it okay if I stay in this point with my camera?" He visually measured the place and said that it was fine and I wouldn't be in anyone's way. I had the perfect place because I could record good footage both from the monitor, where I could see what was happening inside the patient, and with a small movement of the camera, what was happening outside the patient. The surgery was about to start, I pressed the record button on the camera. I was excited because I knew I was going to get great material. The operation began, and there was a lot of movement next to the patient, as there were three surgeons and several nurses. About a minute later, one of the nurses asked me to step aside. I grabbed the video camera and tripod and moved about 10 centimeters to the side. I still got good footage so everything looked good. About fifteen minutes later the surgery was over and I was excited because I thought the recording had gone really well. I pressed the record button to stop recording and found that the camera started to record. The atmosphere in my mind became very uncertain. I took the equipment and walked towards the door and knew that the excitedly reporter was waiting behind it. I stepped into the hallway and saw a reporter, full of enthusiasm, she asked, "How was it?" I said, "I'm not sure, I have to check the tape." The reporter's expression changed from excited to less excited in the blink of an eye. I looked at the tape and found that my worst fear had come true: the first recording had stopped when the nurse asked me to move, so I had accidentally pressed the camera's record button again, and the second recording started when the surgery was already over.

There are also two other video shoots very deep in my memory, in the first one I was in the wrong place at the right time and in the second one I was in the right place at the wrong time. Here's a story about the second one: I had loaded my camera equipment into the car in good time, but I had to wait 20 minutes behind the truck which cargo was unloading at the loading dock. When I finally arrived at the Helsinki Olympic Stadium parking lot, I heard the opening whistle of a football match. As I was carrying my gear up the stairs I heard a massive roar and then the crowd started clapping and cheering. I went to the place where I usually filmed there, set up the camera and filmed the end of the match (85 minutes). After the game, I left to take the material to the reporter, who took the tape and said: "All I need for my story is the goal scored at the start of the match." The game ended 1-0.

 

One fine day in the 1990s, while chatting about life and its wonders with my friend Iiro from AWV, a completely random idea came up about founding a company together. After several years of contemplation, phases, and discussions, we gathered the courage and founded IronMedia Ltd in March 2002.


We pondered the name for a while and ended on IronMedia; it had "Iiro" - Iron, we both liked Iron Maiden's music, and Ironman was just a tough character. We both had a strong sense that this path would be a lifelong journey for both of us, so we decided to work in IronMedia, doing meaningful work until our last breath - retiring someday was not our thing.

Practical matters: We went from a business plan to choosing the corporate form, filing the company registration, and obtaining the necessary insurances. Then came the agreement with the bank, camera equipment and computers purchased on credit, and finally, we rented an office space in the basement of a residential building located in Malmi. We painted the walls, decorated the space to our liking, installed a secure lock on the door, and added a pull-up bar to the ceiling. After a few months, we read a notice with great interest, which said, "complete renovation of the building." Okay, time to look for a new office, pack up the gear, and move to Pukinmäki. There was an office in an office building in the top floor with two small rooms.

 

When we started in March, I initially left behind at first the role of a freelance cameraman. We started a new adventure largely thanks to Iiro's contacts. Iiro had gotten to know various reporters through the TV productions he had filmed, especially in the late 90s. So first we got in touch with them to see if there were any opportunities of cooperations. "We've started a company, and we're available."

(Picture: Iiro and System Porsche. Iiro acquired this sparkling vehicle as our work car through incredible efforts. He was under real pressure. His friend had an old car that no longer served any purpose. The situation was critical, and it was time for a deep conversation. Friend: "Do you want the car?" Iiro: "I do.”)

In 2001, Iiro had completed a major project for the Pharmacy Association in collaboration with a coder named Olli. At that time, the need for websites also began to grow, and even before the establishment of IronMedia, the "little birds" of the Pharmacy Association had informed that most pharmacies in Finland did not have their own websites. So, we thought, what if we filled this market gap? We built apteekit.org, a database-based sales and marketing website. Iiro and I were responsible for the visual design, while Olli handled the coding and all technical aspects. We started with the fact that there were over 800 pharmacies in Finland and we took an optimistic approach to the possibilities of making a profit from website production. However, our estimates didn't quite hit the mark. The "small" problem we had was that neither of us was a salesperson; we were fundamentally artists. Nevertheless, we established a partnership with the Pharmacy Association and received orders for various photography and video content over the years.

Our core expertise was in various forms of visual media, and we extended our services to website production. We also offered photography services and various graphic solutions. We had the privilege of producing a season of Draivi TV program, one episode of which was shot all the way in Portugal. We also created marketing videos in various formats for Kemi City in 2003, 2004 (thanks to Jaakko Selin!) and 2005 and for Hyvinkää City during 2003 and 2004.


In 2004, Iiro moved to Mänttä. While he was originally from there, there were multiple reasons for the move. Part of the truth may have been that I was going through a difficult time, unable to contribute much to our shared story. My personal life felt like watching events from the sidelines without being able to influence them. However, video shoots were an exception; when I focused on different angles and compositions in filming, all other life disappeared - the same happened in editing. My marriage ended in divorce, and I began doing office work in my new home in Herttoniemi. It was time to inform all the influencers in the TV industry that the freelance cameraman was available again.

Iiro opened an office in Central Finland, Mänttä, and was able to make many new contacts there.

After 2004, I and Iiro collaborated on several projects, including working on Serlachius Museum in Mänttä, shooting marketing videos for Toyota Finland Ltd, and creating a documentary called "Pilot on board" for Teemu Leppälä. Thank you, Teemu! Thank you, Iiro! These and many others were memorable moments for both of us in the world of visual media.


Me and Iiro are on our way to "Pilot on board" filming in the coastal waters of Helsinki.

Through the tasks of a freelance cameraman, I have received a lot of wonderful content in my life.

The first period of that life was from 1990 to 2002 (Video Helps). Since 2004 (IronMedia Ltd), I have been involved in many multicamera productions, both in sports and entertainment. I won't go into listing all the projects I've been a part of because the list is REALLY long, but in short, I've been part of almost all well-known Finnish entertainment programs and three Olympic Games. I've been privileged and lucky to be a part of the wonderful world of television production. Humble thanks for that! These jobs have been indescribably cool! Then there's something I want to highlight. The fact that working in this profession feels incredibly cool is largely due to the people who work on these programs. It feels like the industry has attracted individuals who simply have that special something. Of course, just the opportunity to film a particular program gives a lot. But knowing that you'll be meeting old or new colleagues and other industry professionals there adds a tremendous amount of energy and joy to life. Over the years, while doing TV work, I have met an incredible number of people whom I respect and admire; "Deep bow to all of you, you are great people." And without bookers, there wouldn't be any gigs available, so a big thank you to all of you too! Oh yes, a big thank you to Hannu as well, through whom I once got to make several programs for Hanken.


 

What about the topic of investing mentioned in the title?


Hmm, I have been aware of the meaning of the word and why people are excited about it, but the topic has always felt very distant to me, not my thing. The lack of interest is explained by mathematics: if x - y = 0, the equation doesn't favor investment activity, but if x - y = 1 or more, investment activity may become interesting.

I jumped on the moving train with a small stake in 2018. My main idea was to have a few euros in addition to the earnings from work so that I could go on foreign trips with my family a couple of times a year. I opened an account on a foreign investment platform where stocks and similar assets were traded with leverage, meaning you could invest in both rising and falling stocks. I initially invested 2000 euros, another 2000 euros a year later, and then another 2000 euros six months later. At the beginning, there was a bit of luck, so my 2000 euro investment increased to over 5000 euros, but from there on, it was just a downhill ride. It strongly felt like I could have worked as an investment advisor with a reverse strategy principle: "You earn well if you do everything the opposite of what I do." I have to say that constantly looking at the red numbers started to affect my mood. When I had invested those aforementioned funds, a total of 6000 euros, I was at my worst, with a balance of 175 euros. I changed my strategy slightly and managed to climb up to 1000 euros in half a year. Then in February 2020, the coronavirus had a strong impact on the whole world, and I was left wondering what to do... and I lost everything I had left - not a cent of the 6,000 euros was left.

Let's take a couple of steps back. In late autumn 2019, I invested 2,000 euros in shares on the Nordnet platform and at the beginning of January 2020 I withdrew them with a profit, a total of 6,000 euros (I had been following American investment advisors via the Internet and a couple of great tips hit the mark).

 

I transferred that 6000 euros to the Finnish cryptocurrency platform Coinmotion. Then, I scraped together another 2000 euros and borrowed another 2000 euros from my mother. I converted everything to bitcoin and transferred them to two platforms, Kucoin and Binance, which had MANY more options in the fascinating world of cryptocurrencies (including the small ones, altcoins). In less than a month, I was already over 3000 euros in profit. I had a massive feeling that now I would be able to recoup my losses. For several months, I had been following the hype about cryptocurrencies from various sources. I began to paint a slightly bigger picture of the future in my mind. I even drew my dream house, which included a 4.5 meter high "basement" where there would be a studio for video work, a big screen for movies, a dance floor, a trampoline, a climbing rope, a pull-up bar, etc. But the most important of my dreams was that I would have been able to financially ease my children's path toward the future.

Then came the coronavirus.
The cryptocurrencies worth over 13,000 euros suddenly became worth 3000 euros. First I lost 6000 euros, and now this.The mood was quite bad in terms of both investment and work - I lost all the scheduled jobs for several months, including the Tokyo Olympics.

Returning to investment activity. After hitting rock bottom, recovery was slow and a few months later I made some changes to my investments; I sold a few altcoins and bought others instead.

My worst mistake in the crypto world:

I had been following the development of one altcoin for a while and became interested; I sold part of my my cryptocurrencies and invested in this new one (new to me). It rose until it reached its peak and then started to fall - I sold everything, and 2000 turned into 5000. Of course, I was keeping an eye on the situation: a little drop, and the altcoin stabilized at a certain value. It was the currency of the AAVE project, LEND, which was stuck at a value of 1 LEND = 0.44 € during this phase. A few weeks passed, and then it happened; the currency of the AAVE project changed to AAVE coin, and its value skyrocketed from 0.44 euros to 44 euros, and in a little over 9 months, it went over 550 euros. Hah, how does it feel now? If I hadn't sold, I would have made over 4,000,000.00 euros. Shit happens! I cursed myself to the deepest pits. Pretty quickly, I realized which direction the value was heading, and yes, it really bothered me, and yes, it still does. But hey, it's just money. Sometimes selling is a great decision, sometimes it's not.

he economy gradually recovered, even though the coronavirus was lurking in the background. And the fact of the matter was that the economy was given artificial oxygen. Anyway, I had invested a little more money in cryptocurrencies before the end of 2020 and in February 2021, the total value of my cryptocurrencies was 76,000 euros, of which 56,000 euros was pure profit. Then the coronavirus started to play a bigger role again, and the economy faltered. The values of cryptocurrencies began to melt, and instead of selling, I just wondered.

When I had just under 50,000 euros left, I had a brilliant idea. Somehow, I needed to turn this decline in the value of cryptocurrencies to my advantage. I got into futures trading again, but this time on cryptocurrencies. For over a month, I sold my cryptos and tried my luck. The end result: I lost over 30,000 euros for good. At the same time, the values of cryptocurrencies continued to drop. In late summer 2021, the combined value of my cryptocurrencies was 3500 euros. Yeah, it sucked. I sensed some opportunities (Dogelon Mars and Shiba Inu) and I put all in. Three months later, I had 40,000 euros, so sometimes it works out. Too bad I didn't have more to invest, hah hah!

Well, what then?

In January 2022, I started looking for projects in the presale phase. In late January, I invested $6000 in a project calledLucky Block. On February 17th, the value of my investment was $100,000. I was in the Beijing Olympic Games at that time, and I had removed my crypto wallet from my phone, because ... China. I had been following the daily development of the currency's value, and I realized that the rise couldn't go on forever. The word had spread and people bought coins in large quantities and that's why the value rose rapidly.The project's release was still a long way off. It would have been a good time to sell, when I returned to Finland on February 22nd. However, the value of Lucky Block had dropped so much that I was still waiting for the official release of the project, hoping that LB would then rise to new record numbers.

But hey, the future prospects began to take on darker tones. The coronavirus has been harmful for the past two years, and the economy has been stimulated worldwide with unimaginable amounts of money. And we should also work on climate change. Something had to be done. And on February 24th, something was definitely done. In a group of some larger-than-life characters, a huge step back was taken in terms of human rights, historical understanding and the common good. The head of the think tank, the Boss man from the East, is an amazing guy who never makes mistakes. He wanted to expand his territory because his own tiny corners had already been seen. That great thinker also had a history-based operating model that certainly didn't include any agony of decision-making or unnecessary expression of opinions. One language, one people, one decision-maker, and A LOT OF MONEY FOR A SMALL GROUP that assists the Boss man from the East - simple and easy life, right?


After a small side path, back to the depths of the crypto world.

All the signs began to point towards investments going in a worse direction. War, coronavirus, the threat of inflation, and rising energy prices. Nevertheless, I put my earnings from Beijing into play, so in March I bought "big" amounts of declining Lucky Block, as well as Estatex in the presale phase. Now, as of October 25, 2022, the combined balance of all cryptocurrencies is roughly 9000 euros. Although I've been lucky at times, I've never taken the opportunity and withdrawn anything into my bank account - my total amount of investments since 2018 is 32,000 euros. To make a profit, I would need to earn significantly more than all the investments combined, due to taxes. Over four years of research, reading articles, watching videos, and so on (which stock, which crypto, what's happening, where, when, is it worth it, is it not worth it, is it the right time to buy, is it the right time to sell) and the result is a loss of 23,000 euros. So, let's HODL and see what the future brings. It would be somewhat easier if our eastern neighbor stopped messing around and focused on development within their own borders and the appreciation of human life.


CLOSING WORDS

If a good feeling and a positive outlook on life suit your style, I recommend further uplifting them with an excellent book: Matthew McConaughey's "Greenlights." The only proper way to go through the book is by listening to the audiobook read by the actor himself. I personally listened to the book three times and floated in a good mood.

LET'S DANCE

Would we humans be happier, healthier, more tolerant, if we danced every day 15-60 minutes to the beat of uplifting music?

SAY YES TO PEACE AND LOVE

Let's focus on doing good and make the earth a great place for the next generations.